Do Fathers Know Best?

Do Fathers Know Best?

Do you think your life would be affected differently if a father whose sexual orientation is homosexual raised you? In most cases it would be different because you would have one man who is homosexual as a parent instead of one man and one woman as your parents. Although, your life could also be affected differently if you were raised by one woman and the man wasn’t fully involved in your upbringing. In the two articles I read, “Children of Gay Fathers” by Robert L. Barret and Bryan E. Robinson and “Absent Fathers: Why Don’t We Ever Talk About the Unmarried Men?” by Rebecca M. Blank, both involve how their choices affect the outcome of their children’s lives. Barret and Robinson’s article and Blank’s article display more differences in their work than similarities. The article “Children of Gay Fathers” involves concerns about the influence of living with a father whose gay, which involves the effect of the awareness that one’s father is gay (Barret and Robinson 410). It also incorporates the worries about the right time to come out to children and generates sensitivity to how the children experience society’s negative thoughts towards homosexuality (Barret and Robinson 410). The article “Absent Fathers: Why Don’t We Ever Talk About the Unmarried Men?” explains the population of unnoticed single fathers and the child support that very few of them pay. Even though these articles have mostly differences, there is one similarity; both of them cover a sociological concern. Meaning, both gay fathers and absent fathers experience problems that affect their children. The gay fathers have a difficult decision to make when it comes to the timing of coming out to their children or just the decision of coming out or not to their children (Barret and Robinson 410). They also have the decision of the results of coming out. “Fathers report that the first concern they have about coming out is the well-being and healthy adjustment of their children”, states Barret and Robinson when explaining the most important part of their decision of coming out (410). There is a substantial amount of stress and thought put into the decision of opening up to others about their sexual orientation. The absent fathers don’t have the concern of the affects of coming out, but they do have problems with behavioral and other sociological issues. “In general, this group exhibits more behavioral problems than single mothers”, proclaims Blank when she defines the absent-fathers population (440). Blank assumes the absent-fathers population as unmarried men that lack skills, have a low salary, and have behavioral problems (440). Those unmarried men have a more likelihood of homelessness too (Blank 440). The behavioral issues similar to crime or illegal drug- related behaviors are more prone to occur with these men also (Blank 440). These men with negative disputes may not even know they are fathers (Blank 440). In some cases men don’t know they have children, which in turn that knowledge could have given those men a chance to turn their life around and be a part of their child’s life. The children of the fathers who have a behavioral or other sociological concern suffer because the connection of the child and biological father is beneficial to the child. To raise children positively, a father shouldn’t be involved in crime or illegal drug-related activities. One of the differences between Blank’s article and Barret and Robinson’s article is the parenting styles of a gay father and an absent father. A heterosexual father who is single and a gay father have different parenting styles, but they aren’t all that different states Barret and Robinson when beginning to explain the process of how a gay father parents his children (410). Gay fathers attempt to produce a more established home atmosphere and positive relationships with their children than heterosexual, single fathers or traditional mother and fathers do (Barret and Robinson 410). Another difference in parenting styles of a homosexual father from a heterosexual is that they tend to provide a more nurturing and loving relationship with their children then a less conventional parenting approach (Barret and Robinson (410-11). The homosexuality of a father has a different affect on them when it comes to parenting styles because they know their sexual orientation has people observing the way they parent their children closely (Barret and Robinson 411). Gay fathers want to be sure that their child gets the best quality of parenting while most absent fathers aren’t even considering their child’s life to be important enough to parent. The absent fathers don’t necessarily have a parenting style because of their absence. Although the talk of absent fathers is that they don’t have much of a relationship with their children, some of them do. The fathers may not be fully involved to the extent that they don’t develop a parenting style nor need to use one (Blank 443). These fathers are only present in their child’s life only a minimal amount of time. For example, the mothers go to school to pick up the children or whatever the case might be and the mothers take their children to the doctor, dentist, or other health related conditions explained Blank when describing how publicly visible or present the fathers are (440). In order to have an affective parenting style, fathers need to be a significant part of a child’s life. Fathers who are gay are fully present in their children’s lives. They put everything involving their children before themselves, even when it comes to their own significant others priorities. They provide a stable home filled with loving and caring relationships. It is essential to gay fathers that their children receive the best and to just be present in their lives. There is a small percentage of absent fathers present in their child’s life (Blank 443). “Lack of financial involvement does not necessarily mean lack of parental involvement”, proclaims Blank when she describes that even though they may not be able to give their child’s mother child support they stay in contact with their child. These fathers are still present in their children’s lives even though they don’t do the main parenting and are either only able to pay minimal or no child support payments (Blank 443). Of course there are fathers that don’t want a part in their child’s life, but many fathers feel responsibility for their children and attempt to be a part of their life. Although these fathers are considered absent fathers, they are not completely absent (Blank 443). In conclusion, Barret and Robinson’s article and Blank’s article both involve a sociological concern that affects the children while the differences also affect the children in other instances. The gay fathers want a positive relationship and established home environment for their children while absent fathers don’t really obtain a parenting style because of their absence. Some absent fathers aren’t completely absent, but gay fathers are entirely present in their children’s lives. A gay father’s priority is for their child to have a life containing a happy home life and have no conflicts with their school life, while some absent fathers don’t understand the importance or care of being a part of their child’s life could benefit them. It is ironic that one parent struggles with how their sexuality may affect their child’s life while another parent doesn’t take the time to support their child.