Under The Raised Hand
When I was a young girl learning about life and love, I always thought that some man would sweep me off my feet and it was my fate to be with him and only him. My mother was not a big fan of love and fate. She didn’t have a very good history of guys and relationships. She would always tell us love was not a reality and we should find someone with a lot of money. My mother is a strong feminist woman and I tried as hard as possible not to be like that. I desperately wanted the fairytale love story and I would prove my mother wrong, I would show her that the guy I professed my love to I would stay with him forever. As I grew older I wanted boyfriends in middle school but I was always too outgoing and creatively different to them. Once I got into high school it was completely different, I suddenly became attractive for boys. I did not have a great history with boys and relationships.
My first love was a guy I met in my freshman year of high school but we were just a couple that realized we were better off as friends. I lost touch with him when I moved to a different school in the same district. It was like a year that already passed since the last time I seen him. When I was younger this website called Myspace.com was created and it was a way to connect with people online. I found him on Myspace.com and this is how this story starts.
I was sitting in the uncomfortably large black office chair after a normal long drawn out day in high school. Looking at this new teen favorite website called MySpace and trying to make my profile was attractive enough for my fellow peers’ standards. That is when I noticed this tiny little icon trying to grab my attention with its flashing small graphic and a noticeable jingle to go along with it. Of course I was instantly excited that someone cared enough to take a small minute out of their day to message me. As I click on this small link, feeling like a child on Christmas opening a present, I had seen that it was him. It was Kevin Sack, my ex boyfriend at Brighton High School. I was overfilled with such joy because he was one of the few of my ex’s that the relationship ended on a good note. In his message he mentioned that he wanted to hang out sometime soon. I was most definitely going to want to see him as soon as possible and I replied in a rush and set the date. I made sure that it was a day that I would be able to spend quite some time with him. I waited for about a week and as each day passed by I thought my stomach would fly out of my body. Finally the day came and I received a gut wrenching phone call. It was Kevin saying he was on his way over, he said that he would be at my house in 10 minutes and that happened to be the longest and most anxious 10 minutes of my life. Then I heard a knock on the door and I answered the door hastily and there he was tall as a NBA star, thick light brown hair, strong build and strong hands. Instantly I thought my young little teenage heart was in love.
Back then I had a lot to learn about love, but I thought I was strong enough to be the best companion I could be. I was absolutely and unmistakably faithful and prided myself on it. At the beginning of our relationship I thought he was gentle, humorous, loving, and he seemed really interested in building his life around me. I was happy only because I thought my little girl fantasies were answered and my fairytale relationship was happening. I didn’t want anything to happen and I wanted to avoid breaking up at all costs so I did everything he wanted without hesitation because I thought I would get the same treatment. After a few months passed we became serious enough to want to with each other every day. A few more months passed and that’s when I realized I have already given him a little too much power over me. It all started with cigarettes, I started smoking at a younger age and he would, out of nowhere,...
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