Deborah Tolman Dilemmas Of Desire

Women are distinguished as the “second sex” and the passiveness that surrounds it is astonishing as women unconsciously permit themselves to be downgraded to mere objects. A famous philosopher, Simone de Beauvoir once said “It is perfectly natural for the future woman to feel indignant at the limitations posed to her by her sex. The real question is not why she should reject them: the problem is rather to understand why she accepts them.” Our patriarchal society is made to devise women to be seen but, not to be heard, to acknowledge their beauty and delicacy but, to discredit their intelligence and potential. In the light of emotionlessness behavior that women exert, psychologist Deborah Tolman had a lot to say about why women act this way. In Deborah Tolman’s publication Dilemmas of Desire, she includes themes that discuss women in society as passive individuals. Women are seen as passive in regards to their sexual desires, body image, and family relations.
Tolman and Dr. Fine women are not allowed to explore and experiment with their sexual desires because of their fear of having an unwanted pregnancy, contract an STD and to be labeled as easy and prude. Dr. Tolman proclaims that within society women are the sexual desires of boys and have no desires of their own, they are pressured to keep this pure and clean image to avoid society’s and male’s judgmental gazes. Women fear that if they express their sexual desires, they can become potential rape/sexual assault victims. In her book Dilemmas of Desire, Dr. Tolman tackles the lack of representation women have when it comes to sex and their desires. Dr. Tolman addresses the issue that our society gives women two options, either to make“a choice between their sexual feelings and their safety” (p. 44), therefore making it difficult for women to recognize and enjoy their sexual