Concert Attendance
Smarthinking's E-structor Response Form
(Your marked-up essay is below this form.)
HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper!
Hi, Kamila! I’m Karlo V. and I am going to help you with your draft today. Here are some points you might want to think about as you revise your paper.
*Strengths of the essay: You’ve properly provided a background about your grandmother by stating: “My grandmother’s name is Maria that is very unusual name for my country. She was born in October of 1940. As my grand mom told me they lived in a very small house near the forest and it was 5 miles away from the nearest village. Her parents were farmers, they had sheep, horses, chicken and cows and they had a garden. So it was seven children in her family.” This shows your reader the earlier years of her life. Nicely done.
*Kamila 5755123 has requested that you respond to the Content Development:
In your sixth paragraph, you have touched on how your grandfather met your grandmother and how she rejected him at first but married him in the end. However, you have not provided an explanation of how the discussion supports your main idea on your grandmother. This led to an underdeveloped discussion. To fully develop each of your key points, remember to use the PIE format:
[P]OINT: This is usually the topic sentence. The point tells what you will discuss for that particular paragraph and what the rest of that part will tackle.
[I]LLUSTRATION: This part gives existing examples to support your main point. Whether it’s situations, figures, or statistics, the “illustration” highlights the point that you are discussing.
[E]XPLANATION: This one shows the relation between your point and illustration. How did the examples support your point? What is the
(Your marked-up essay is below this form.)
HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper!
Hi, Kamila! I’m Karlo V. and I am going to help you with your draft today. Here are some points you might want to think about as you revise your paper.
*Strengths of the essay: You’ve properly provided a background about your grandmother by stating: “My grandmother’s name is Maria that is very unusual name for my country. She was born in October of 1940. As my grand mom told me they lived in a very small house near the forest and it was 5 miles away from the nearest village. Her parents were farmers, they had sheep, horses, chicken and cows and they had a garden. So it was seven children in her family.” This shows your reader the earlier years of her life. Nicely done.
*Kamila 5755123 has requested that you respond to the Content Development:
In your sixth paragraph, you have touched on how your grandfather met your grandmother and how she rejected him at first but married him in the end. However, you have not provided an explanation of how the discussion supports your main idea on your grandmother. This led to an underdeveloped discussion. To fully develop each of your key points, remember to use the PIE format:
[P]OINT: This is usually the topic sentence. The point tells what you will discuss for that particular paragraph and what the rest of that part will tackle.
[I]LLUSTRATION: This part gives existing examples to support your main point. Whether it’s situations, figures, or statistics, the “illustration” highlights the point that you are discussing.
[E]XPLANATION: This one shows the relation between your point and illustration. How did the examples support your point? What is the