Coming out of "My Heterophobia" Closet
Growing up in a heterosexual world as a Lesbian who remained in many closets, has shape my identity and the way I will transact with people for the rest of my life. Upon coming out of closet, or being pushed out (by suspension from parents and friends) at the age of eighteen or nineteen I quickly assumed the bi-sexual title because it meant at least there was hope for me in the future. This proved to be worse for my self-esteem, and may have caused the most damage because even though I was free to come out, I was still afraid (somewhat) of taking the big leap and being totally ostracized by my friends and people I know. So I felt one million times worst trying to be bi-sexual than I ever did being heterosexual, I knew I was betraying myself before, but now it felt like the ultimate betrayal. During the next year or so I finally got the courage to come out as a full blown Lesbian, and life has never been better.
I wanted to shave my head and start over fresh as a new person who has this fresh new identity because I wanted nothing to do with the heterosexual and bi-sexual life I had lived in the past; I was on a mission to prove I could be as gay as anyone else. That meant forsaking all straight clubs and hanging out with the straight friends that I had, cutting my hair and actively searching out other lesbians. I went to gay clubs and events and made new friends with total lesbians; I was ashamed of my straight background and even claimed to have been out of the closet for many years when in fact I had not been, I didn't want to be a new be. I wanted to show my friends that if they couldn't deal with me as a true lesbian, none changing, then I didn't want them around me. I took this class because I wanted to know more about our history and try to put a face to gayness for others, an African American face, an educated face, a female face, but most of all a human face.
When I found out that ninety five...
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