College essay describing my love for creating art

As my brush violently hits the turpentine and swirls the poisonous liquid into a whirlpool my mind, body and soul intertwine to formulate new ideas. I'm searching for something shocking, something new, and I will continue to create until my right brain is empty. This painting that I am creating now is a woman. She is naked and empty as the blank white canvas. She has no face, no arms, and no soul, but she carries a small bright yellow and orange embryo with a heart tattoo within her bright pink womb. Her ovaries have become fruits. Her pelvic bone is bright orange which gradients to a lemon yellow. Her spine is black with white discs and yellow spikes. Her breasts are purple and full. Her skin is a coolly colored teal, which turn into her purple breasts, which becomes her brightly colored peach skin, which becomes red, which becomes brown, which is slapped against a dark and desolate background. Interpret it as you will. What I create from this empty space may turn into something that will offend you. It may have symbolic meaning or make you ponder. But it will never exist for the sole sake of beauty. Art is not made to look beautiful.

I find that I am lost without art. Art has changed my very essence, yet it's hard to explain how it has done so. It's like a new way of thinking and perceiving the world. No one can possibly understand how art changes someone unless one is an artist oneself. Art is the best way I've found to express my opinions, yet it has also taught me to speak out: I'm louder and more open minded than ever before. When I create, I feel like the world is in my control. From clay to prose, and from prose to music, and from music to just plain thinking when I create I'm focused and calm. I usually won't stop creating until I'm finished or satisfied.

When I look at other people's art, I always admire what they've done. In most cases they make me feel as if their art is much more advanced and higher than mine. I wonder, "Why couldn't have I thought of that?" I envy the ones who can make still life look like a photograph. I envy the ones who can make writing so deep and thoughtful and masterful. It makes me greedy. I want their minds. I want to know what they were thinking. I need to know what they were thinking.

I don't aspire to be the world's greatest artist, nor do I want to sell my artworks for huge sums of money. I create art for one reason really: to leave a mark in the world. I just want to be remembered for what I did. To be timeless. To be loved. My biggest goal would be to make a difference and change the world. That is why I create.