Cause & Effect
Irrational Fears
Irrational fears are often called phobias. Most everyone has one, and I am no different. When I was very young, I was an overly confident child. I thought I was going to solve all the problems of the world, and children would look up to me like a superhero. Today, as an adult I struggle with fear that often comes when the ideals of childhood are slowly stripped away by the realism of life. The purpose of this essay is to explain the causes behind my fears of abandonment, losing the one’s I love most, and failing.
Beginning with abandonment, the fear I have harbored longest in my life and stems from an extended absence of my own parents. As far back as I can remember my sister and I was shoveled around, often left feeling as a burden on our grandparents, who cared for us, and eventually adopted us. Despite that we now had a stable home, the constant reappearance and disappearance of my mother and father proved to leave lasting scars that would carry into adulthood. Specifically, a deep-rooted insecurity, and overwhelming sense of isolation with disconnect. Although I have not completely conquered this fear, I now know I hold the power over my life. As a child of narcissistic parents I often suffered socially due to my tendency to mistrust others. So when I made friendships, they were generally the kind that would last a lifetime. However, at the age of eighteen my best friend who had become more like a sister to me died in a tragic car accident. At that time I felt bereft, and immobilized by grief. From this experience came an intense awareness of the impermanence of life itself, and this tragedy became the catalyst for my fear of losing those I love most. I know I will never relinquish this fear from my mind or heart because I have seen too much; I know what goes bump in the night. Even today I have a hard time letting my child out of sight for even a millisecond, but I know my fear comes from a place of love.
Additionally, life under
Irrational fears are often called phobias. Most everyone has one, and I am no different. When I was very young, I was an overly confident child. I thought I was going to solve all the problems of the world, and children would look up to me like a superhero. Today, as an adult I struggle with fear that often comes when the ideals of childhood are slowly stripped away by the realism of life. The purpose of this essay is to explain the causes behind my fears of abandonment, losing the one’s I love most, and failing.
Beginning with abandonment, the fear I have harbored longest in my life and stems from an extended absence of my own parents. As far back as I can remember my sister and I was shoveled around, often left feeling as a burden on our grandparents, who cared for us, and eventually adopted us. Despite that we now had a stable home, the constant reappearance and disappearance of my mother and father proved to leave lasting scars that would carry into adulthood. Specifically, a deep-rooted insecurity, and overwhelming sense of isolation with disconnect. Although I have not completely conquered this fear, I now know I hold the power over my life. As a child of narcissistic parents I often suffered socially due to my tendency to mistrust others. So when I made friendships, they were generally the kind that would last a lifetime. However, at the age of eighteen my best friend who had become more like a sister to me died in a tragic car accident. At that time I felt bereft, and immobilized by grief. From this experience came an intense awareness of the impermanence of life itself, and this tragedy became the catalyst for my fear of losing those I love most. I know I will never relinquish this fear from my mind or heart because I have seen too much; I know what goes bump in the night. Even today I have a hard time letting my child out of sight for even a millisecond, but I know my fear comes from a place of love.
Additionally, life under