Cause and Effect
Hi, Daysy,
I’m Adrienne, your tutor for this draft, and I’m happy to help you with your essay today. I see that you have asked for help with your thesis and use of resources; however, I feel that some work on your content development as well as your thesis will make your essay stronger and more effective overall, so let’s get started.
Summary
This essay discusses the common causes of eating disorders in teenagers and defines bulimia and anorexia nervosa, the two most common eating disorders.
Strengths
This essay is well-written at the sentence level; clear writing is important in all kinds of writing.
Main Idea/Thesis
Your essay lacks a thesis statement. A thesis statement tells your reader not just what you are going to write about, but why it is important—the purpose of writing the essay. It is a sentence or two found in the introduction that gives your main points and your analysis or argument. Without one, your papers will lack focus and direction. Let’s look at your intro (in black) with my suggestions (in blue):
An eating disorder is a mental disorder in which a person has a compelling need to starve, to binge, or to binge and purge. In other words, they feel that they have to stop eating or eat large amounts of food in short periods of time and then remove all of the food from their bodies through vomiting, the use of laxatives, and diuretics. There are two major types of eating disorders that are prominent in young girls. These are Bulimia and Anorexia Nervosa. Although there are some things that all eating disorders have in common, bulimia and anorexia are also different in many ways. [What are the differences between the two? What is the significance of the difference? Is one “better” or less dangerous than the other, and why or why not? A sentence, for example, such as, “While bulimia does-----------------------and ---------, anorexia does-----------------and---------, which can be seen as-------(insert your analysis of the two of them,
I’m Adrienne, your tutor for this draft, and I’m happy to help you with your essay today. I see that you have asked for help with your thesis and use of resources; however, I feel that some work on your content development as well as your thesis will make your essay stronger and more effective overall, so let’s get started.
Summary
This essay discusses the common causes of eating disorders in teenagers and defines bulimia and anorexia nervosa, the two most common eating disorders.
Strengths
This essay is well-written at the sentence level; clear writing is important in all kinds of writing.
Main Idea/Thesis
Your essay lacks a thesis statement. A thesis statement tells your reader not just what you are going to write about, but why it is important—the purpose of writing the essay. It is a sentence or two found in the introduction that gives your main points and your analysis or argument. Without one, your papers will lack focus and direction. Let’s look at your intro (in black) with my suggestions (in blue):
An eating disorder is a mental disorder in which a person has a compelling need to starve, to binge, or to binge and purge. In other words, they feel that they have to stop eating or eat large amounts of food in short periods of time and then remove all of the food from their bodies through vomiting, the use of laxatives, and diuretics. There are two major types of eating disorders that are prominent in young girls. These are Bulimia and Anorexia Nervosa. Although there are some things that all eating disorders have in common, bulimia and anorexia are also different in many ways. [What are the differences between the two? What is the significance of the difference? Is one “better” or less dangerous than the other, and why or why not? A sentence, for example, such as, “While bulimia does-----------------------and ---------, anorexia does-----------------and---------, which can be seen as-------(insert your analysis of the two of them,