The book I chose to read was “When I Say No, I Feel Guilty” by Manuel J. Smith. The first thing to stand out to me in this book was it seemed a little outdated. Even though the writing style and the examples appeared to be from a different era, I was still able to see how different points were relevant today and to me personally. This title screamed my name when I was browsing the list of choices because no matter what I am saying no to, I always feel guilty.
From the first moment that we can feel and translate emotions, we have been manipulated by others. We have grown up under the sense that we should feel certain ways about particular actions. We forget to a chore when we are young, we should feel guilty. We bring a bad grade home on out report card, we should be scared of getting in trouble. Many activities are labeled either good or bad and we should portray emotions to match. As a manager, you should try to keep commands or statements neutral. A neutral statement is one that doesn’t assign the label of good or bad to a behavior so the recipient will not feel manipulated.
Everyday, people try to manipulate you into doing what they want by making you feel nervous, uninformed, or blameworthy. If you let them push you around you will feel frustrated, angry or depressed. When you permit others to control your actions, you renounce your sense of personal responsibility. Smith states that the first step in fixing the situation is to know that “no one can manipulate your emotions or behavior if you don’t allow it to happen.” Also, following the Bill of Assertive Rights will help lead to non-manipulative relationships in all situations. The rights are the basis for all healthy relationships and are listed as:
You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself.
You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your