Are we born with a certain attachment and does it reflect in our romantic relationships? A psychologist, Phillip Shaver, uses models of attachment that he studied from childhood and applied to the differences of attachment in adult relationships (Freidman & Schustack, 2012). He discusses the 3 styles of attachment, which are secure, avoidant, and anxious-ambivalent lovers.
Although, Shaver founded these attachment styles, they are very similar to Karen Horney’s basic anxiety theory. He describes the secure lovers to be extremely close in relationships. Avoidant lovers feel uncomfortable when they become close to one another and have issues with trust. Lastly Anxious-ambivalent lovers are close to one another but scare away their partners due to insecurity with the relationship. Researchers collected data across a 15-year span and concluded child-parent relationship and adult romantic relationship function correlate. They believe that your attachment style as a child will associate with your attachment style in relationships as an adult. They also found that people with poor relationships with their parents also had poor relationships with each other (conger, shaver, Widaman, & Larsen-Rife, 2011)
Growing up, my parents supported my sisters and I the best way they could. They were involved in our lives and made it point to equally give attention to all three of us. Even though our environment was the same, we each had different attachment styles growing up. My older sister apparently was in the middle of reserved and outgoing; it depended on the situation. In comfortable situations, she was extremely friendly and talkative. However with strangers, she was reserved and did not associate herself with others she did not know. When I was a child, I was the very outgoing and had the urge to speak to everyone in my path. Other than socially, I was also the most misbehaved out of my sisters. My little sister probably didn’t speak a word growing up unless it was with...
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