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By ericgithuka Apr 21, 2014 2031 Words
Does an arranged marriage create happier, stable families than freedom of choice in marriage?

A marriage can be defined as a union between two people who wish to become a wife and a husband. An arranged marriage is a marriage where ones choice of a marriage partner is made by another person rather than them (Paul 1). In most cases the choice lies on the parents or the guardians. Though this practice was so common traditionally, even today it is still being practiced in many communities. A choice marriage is a case where both the bride and the groom have the freedom to select their choice of partners. This is through following their feelings and their likes hence making an approach to the desired partner. If the approached partner is also interested, the two engages in planning their wedding and also informing their parents or guardians of their choice and plans. Free choice marriage is the most common and the most preferred form of marriage (Debie 1). Either choice or arranged marriage, marriage is a very important event in one’s life as it marks a stage of status change in one’s life from a bachelor to a couple. It even enhances higher recognition to an individual in the society as one is viewed as responsible and also an adult. The importance of marriage makes it important, who makes the choice of ones’ partner either ourselves, friends, relatives or our parents. (Pamela 1). Arranged marriages are determined by people rather than the groom or the bride. This form of marriage has many advantages though it’s also criticized by many. In its support, in case our parents decides for us it will be a right choice since they know their children better. Having brought up by the same person who is making the choice of our marriage partner, the choice will always march our wish. Right from our young days when parents bought us clothes, gifts, and made other decisions such as religion they know so much concerning what we like and what we hate (Debie 1). It is hence true that when the time comes for marriage, they will look for the best march for us, with a clear understanding that -that is what we like. Secondly, our parents are so far experienced with life. They have an experience about life and marriage which means that in their choice for us, they will always try to correct and make perfect the failures they have experienced in their own marriage (Alexandra 1). Their choice will also be considerate to avoid the failures they have seen in many marriages in our community. No parent would wish their child’s marriage to be affected by the failures which they are aware of, and known their causes. They will always try to avoid such mistakes and even make our marriage perfect than theirs. Our parents are well placed in the society and they even know people better. This means that in their choice, our parents will always avoid the social, ethical and cultural setbacks. For Instance, our parents will never select a partner from a family associated with Satanism. Our parents knows a longer history of the people in our society than we do. This means that if we made the choice ourselves, we may unaware end up getting a partner from an immoral family as seen by the society. An arranged marriage therefor enjoys full support from both parents and the community at large (Dr. Sujon 1). Parents always requires and expects the best from us. Their choice will be based on their best choice whom they know will make us happy and also make our marriage successful. No parent can choose for us a partner who is not fit for us or who we are not compatible with. Their choice is always based on the very best for us (Sarayu 1). Nevertheless, any arranged marriage is always complete after a lot of sacrifice. It remains in the minds of both families as well as in the minds of the bride and the groom. The divorce rate is hence very low as both families will try their best to maintain that relationship (Anita 1). It is neither easy for a girl or a boy to get partners of their own choice. It is always a process through depression and tension but in arranged marriage both partners do not know each other. At the time they are trying to know each other there is development of strong and healthy love between them. Arranged marriages also helps eliminate the waste of time people spends through courtship and dating. This creates time for the partners to concentrate on other important tasks for their development such as education and work. Lastly, in arranged marriages the couple has a firm trust in their in laws. The in-laws are the greatest causes of failures to most marriages. Having a good relation and trust in the in-laws keeps the families united and happy (Pamela 1). On the contrary, the arranged marriages have their own disadvantages. To start with, although it’s a fact that our parents knows our best choices, the choice about marriage is so different. The best of choices our parents may know is about things that do not greatly affect our lives and the ones we can always adapt to but marriage is about a life partner (Alexandra 1). It’s all about learning the weaknesses and the characters of each other. Some partners’ characters may be too complicated for another partner to keep up with and can only be learnt by the one looking for a partner for them to make a choice. Secondly, despite that the parents making the choice for us base it on experience, their experience may be too different since they are different couple with different personalities. No one’s experience in marriage can be compared to another. It all depends on the main ‘players’ in a specific relationship (Paul 1). Thirdly, although the choice of a partner in arranged marriage is based on good morals and family relations that exists in the society, it lacks the partner’s priority. Parents of individuals gives more importance to social and economic status rather than romantic between two individuals. They believe that true love will eventually blossom after marriage, which is wrong. Despite the fact that our parents always requires and expects the best from us, they cannot always select what we like most. A choice made by an individual is always the best in their heart and will not regret or place a blame on others if the selected choice turns to be wrong. A choice of a partner made by other people will never satisfy another. (Sarayu 1). Although many people argue that an arranged marriage gets full support from both sides of the in-laws, a choice marriage can even get a greater support. The issue of acceptance and support from the in-laws depends on the character of the in –law members (Dr. Sujon 1). If individuals have a choice to choose their partners, their in-laws have no right whatsoever to criticize their choice. Instead, they will accept and embrace the selected partner with full support to see the success of their marriage. On the other hand, choice marriage is a type of marriage where both a boy and a girl have the freedom of choice on their partners (Dr. Sujon 1). Such form of marriage has many advantages. One, in love marriage both partners knows each other very well through dating and courtship. Such kind of a relationship has less chance of collision of attitudes. One knows each other’s hence they don’t have to spend time on such issues after marriage. Secondly, if one feels any problem after love marriage regarding the new environment, one can speak it to the partner with ease. Marriage being a new different life from friendship, there are many challenges that may arise. Such challenges can only be handled well in a love marriage. Thirdly, it’s a fact that in most cases girls feel great sorrow when leaving their parents to join the in-laws. In a love marriage such sorrow is in existent since the girl will have prepared psychologically during dating about joining the new family (Pamela 1). The vice is so easy mostly because the girl will have known the in-laws or even met them severally during dating period. Fourth, in most of the love marriages, the age of both partners is equal or nearly equal. This means that the partners will have no problem in understanding each other. People of the same age reasons the same and will in most cases agree on ideas. Fifth, the issue of blame is in existent. The partners cannot blame any other person if any problem appears in their marriage. Like in a case of arranged marriages, the parents are to blame in case of any kind of conjugal disharmony. In contrast, love marriage is not always the perfect and has its many drawbacks. Although it is based on dating and knowing each other, one has to fall in love with someone and the person should like you as well. It takes a lot of time to know each other. Love marriages are only successful if a person has chosen wisely (Anita). It is such often because many love marriages are not as a result of any deliberation but raging hormones. Secondly, despite that the challenges and misunderstandings arising from arising thereafter marriage can be handled well in a love marriage, there is no guarantee on such. We have seen many couples who married through such love marriages separating and even seeking for divorce due to quarrels and misunderstandings. Thirdly, although it is said that in love marriage there is no sorrow for a girl leaving her parents, it all depends on the bond existing between a girl and her family. There are cases where even girls runs back home to their parents after a short time in marriage even after marrying through love. Fourth, there is a slogan that ‘age is nothing but a number’ which many people believe in (Debie 1). This means that some people don’t consider age in their choice of a marriage partner. In fact some people even choose partners of very wide gaps in age. In any case, it has been evident that marriages do fail either for people of same age, different age or even very different ages. In love marriage, one cannot be assured of the marriage stability just because of a certain age variation or balance. In conclusion, arranged marriages are the marriages wh
ere a partner is proposed to each other by a family agreement especially the parents whereas love marriage is where the choice of one’s partner is through their own choice. An individual selects a choice of partner through dating and courtship. When comparing the two, arranged marriages cannot in any way taken as a safer option. Though love marriage has got its many disadvantages and drawbacks too, from statistics it has been proven that 70% of divorce in marriages happens in arranged marriages (Anita 1). This is because many couples realize in marriage that their characters are not compatible with each other rather than during dating and courtship. After realizing that they cannot live together many couples end up seeking divorce. The vice about arranged marriages is termed as traditional in many communities, though in countries like India it is highly practiced (Alexandra). If at all arranged marriages have to be practiced, they can be fair only if the parents’ decision is not final. In case one is not satisfied with the chosen partner, the parents should consider selecting another partner until the groom or the bride is satisfied. The quite unfortunate part is that in most cases, arranged marriages affects even the minor in our societies (Paul 1). It has been proved that communities where arranged marriages are highly practiced, the underage are also forced to marry or get married against their wish (Sarayu 1). The choice of marriage should be left to an individual, after all it’s all about their life and it depends on their way of dealing with hurdles and problems in their marriage.

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