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Arranged marriages.

By ssony123 May 13, 2003 1996 Words
Outline

Thesis Statement: Arranged marriages have different forms mostly depending on the couples country, culture and social surrounding conditions; however, not all of these forms are acceptable, successful and respectable by many societies.

I.In arranged marriages, the possibility of its success is unknown and depending on the culture of the couple and the type of this arranged marriage.

A.If the couple is from the same region or society the chances of having a successful marriage is great.

B.A successful arranged marriage occurs when the couple respect, care, and trust for each other.

C.Thesis Statement: Arranged marriages have different forms mostly depending on the couples country, culture and social surrounding conditions; however, not all of these forms are acceptable, successful and respectable by many societies.

II.One of the forms of arranged marriages is the marriage through websites and online dating services.

A.Most Indians, nowadays, depend on the magazine ads and online matching websites in finding a lifetime partner.

B.Ranjani Rangan is an Indian girl who grew up in Singapore, and got married through an online matching service.

III.Mustafa Ersen in his article reveals another form of arranged marriages called berdel, which occurs through the exchange of brides and it, exists within Turkish, Kurdish and Arabic people living in the southeastern of Turkey.

A.This type of arranged marriages occurs between relatives and local families where the two families exchange brides.

B.Ersen asked a recent married Turkish whether is he happy or not to get married to a girl he only saw once in his life.

C.This type of marriage is a one that entails many unjust actions.

IV.Blind marriages are another type of marriages that is experienced in china, where the parents and hired go-betweens play the dominant role in decision-making and the couple does not meet until the day of marriage.

A.This type is beginning to disappear.

B.The problem behind allowing young people chooses their own spouses.

V.Blind marriages is a wrong way of getting married, but also, leaving the young people to choose their marriage partner on their own without any supervision is even more wrong.

A.Successful blind marriages mainly depend on the fact that the bride and the groom are being brought up on the same traditions and beliefs.

B.It is a part of the human nature to be prejudice when one is in love.

VI.Conclusion

Arranged Marriages; Can They Really Work?

People always ask each other about the way they got married. They wonder how did they meet? How did they decide to get married? The most common answers we hear are "we were in love" or "it was an arranged marriage through our families". The question now is which is more successful love marriages or arranged marriages? We cannot judge that of course. It has no rules or standards; every marriage has its own circumstances. But there are some limits which when crossed; one can easily know that it's going to be an unsuccessful marriage.

In arranged marriages, the possibility of its success is unknown and depending on the culture of the couple and the type of this arranged marriage. If the bride and the groom are from different countries, they might have a real problem in calibrating with each other, but if they are from the same region or society, the chances of having a successful marriage is great. The success of the marriage depends on knowledge of the couple to the traditions and beliefs of their region and thereby can adjust them to it. A successful arranged marriage occurs when the couple respect, care, and trust each other. Arranged marriages have different forms mostly depending on the couples country, culture and social surrounding conditions; however, not all of these forms are acceptable, successful and respectable by many societies.

One of the forms of arranged marriages is the marriage through websites and online dating services. This type of marriage is very popular in the Indian region or more specifically through the Indians through out the world. Most Indians, nowadays, depend on the magazine ads and online matching websites in finding a lifetime partner. This type of arranged marriages has proven its success within some Indian families. However, some Indians and many others in other countries considered trying to find a life match through an ad or website unacceptable and unreasonable behavior, as it can entail unfortunate marriage relationship. Moreover, matching online services can be a way for spending pleasurable time, chatting, dating or finding friends but not a way of finding a serious marriage relationship, and the person one is contacting online may be lying, playing with one's feelings or just having fun.

Ranjani Rangan is an Indian girl who grew up in Singapore, and got married through an online matching service. She explains that when she turned 24 years her parents started exerting a lot of pressure on her to get married. Her parents started placing ads in journals and asking their relatives about a matching husband to their daughter. However, they did not face success and started to exert more pressure on her. Afterwards, she subscribed in an online match-finding website and inserted all her information including the traits required in her match. Eventually, Rangan received a reply from another Indian and she got married to him after four months. Although, she states, "'He was the most beautiful man I had ever met'" (qtd. In Jyoti), this does not mean that he is great, but the situation she was in is what made her think of him that way. Furthermore, she will have to calibrate herself with a totally stranger person she met online for the rest of her life only depending on these few months of chatting as she stated that she met him two days before the wedding.

The failure of arranged marriages through the websites and online dating services does not necessarily mean that the involved couples are bad. It is just a part of our human nature to try to look the best and lie inevitably when marriage is involved. It is a sort of spiritual before being physical. People do not have to listen to what others have to say about themselves. It can be felt when they get to know each other without prior arrangements. Even if there were prior arrangements, the first time the involved couples interact should be face to face. It is a part of human nature to get to know people in a better way when we see them, talk to them and, importantly, look them in the eye. If the couple got along with each other, only then, the parents can start treating the marriage as an arranged marriage. Overall, the most important thing is that the bride and the groom get to sit with each other for several times before anything is arranged, in order for them to explore and judge each other flawlessly.

Mustafa Ersen in his article reveals another form of arranged marriage called berdel, which occurs through the exchange of brides, and it exists within Turkish, Kurdish and Arabic people living in the southeastern of Turkey. This type of arranged marriage occurs between relatives and local families where the two families exchange brides without the involvement of any other issues like money (Ersen). Serpil Altuntek an anthropologist at Hacettepe University in Ankara states, "'Berdel, cousin marriage, and similar arrangements are better viewed as a part of a family's strategy to forge and maintain favorable political and economic alliances'" (qtd. in Ersen). Ersen asked a recently married Turk whether he is happy or not to get married to a girl he only saw once in his life. He replied that when he saw her he liked her and if he did not like her, his father would not have forced him to marry her (Ersen). This type of arranged marriage is a successful type within the Turkish society where they are used to it. However, many people from different countries consider this type of marriage as a business trade or as an inhumane act as they force the bride to marry a man she does not know any thing about. Furthermore, one of the married couple is forced to break up if one of the two brides is divorce as it is considered a dishonored action to keep the bride of a family who sent them back their daughter. As obvious, this type of marriage is a one that entails many unjust actions, as it applies a tremendous force on the bride to try to establish a successful relation with someone who is totally stranger and if she failed this means that she will tear down the other marriage with hers.

Some people might argue that when the bride gets married, she will get to know the groom and he would not be a stranger anymore. That might be partially true, but still there is some sort of information that has to be acquired before marriage by the other side. In other words, both sides should know a lot about each other before getting married and this information should not be exchanged through families. They do not have the chance to do that in this sort of arranged marriages. That can obviously lead to an unsuccessful marriage.

Blind marriages are another type of marriages that is experienced in china, where the parents and hired go-betweens play the dominant role in decision-making and the couple do not meet until the day of marriage (Xiaohe). This type is beginning to disappear due to "some combination of structural modernization, cultural Westernization, and governmental pressure" (Xiaohe), also, because it entailed many unjust practices due to the disregarding of the couples' opinion in regard of each other. Moreover, the young, nowadays, are given a complete dominance and increasingly freedom in choosing their lifetime mates. However, this ignited another problem that "the result of allowing young people to choose their own spouses, then, may be they will be blinded by love and overlook areas of personal incompatibility and the latter will become apparent and cause problems later on in the marriage" (Xiaohe).

Blind marriages is a wrong way of getting married, but also, leaving the young people to choose their marriage partner on their own without any supervision is even more wrong. First, the blind marriage involves many unjust practices that can lead these days to a divorce, since it became easy to get one in many of the world countries. Successful blind marriages mainly depend on the fact that the bride and the groom are being brought up on the same traditions and beliefs so that they can know how to communicate and deal with each other freely. However, if the couple has a different opinions and beliefs they would find a tremendous difficulty in calibrating with each other. On the other hand, it is a part of the human nature to be prejudice when one is in love. Therefore, the young people should not be given too much freedom of choice or else their judgment will be bypassed with love feelings and they would experience in most cases a bad marriage that could lead to divorce.

To conclude, the best way of getting married is through an arranged marriage where the bride and the groom meet each other through any source and if they liked each other and they got along. They find out if their both parents agree and bless their marriage, then, they would go on and get engaged and spend a short while in exploring each other traits more deeply without the involvement or occurrence of tight restrictions from the parents. Then, once they are very sure of their choice, they get married.

Works Cited

Ersen, Mustafa Tuker. "Parallel Brides." Natural History May 2002, Vol. 111, Issue 4. Academic Search Premier EbscoHost American University in Cairo Lib. 18 March 2003

Jyoti, Thottam. "A Suitable Arrangement." ON Magazine March 2001:36. Academic

Search Elite EBSCO Host American University in Cairo Lib. 3 Mar. 2003

Merrill, Francis. Courtship and Marriage. New York: WSA, 1949.

Xiaohe, Xu. "Love Matches And Arranged Marriages: A Chinese Replication."

Journal of Marriage & Family August 1990, Vol.52 Issue 3. Academic Search Premier EBSCO Host American University in Cairo Lib. 18 March 2003

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