No one teaches a person how to raise their child. To some it comes naturally and to others it does not. Some people take to books and some people take to the way they were raised. The way parents choose to raise their children, is solely up to them. Everyone wants the best for their children and will do whatever it takes to ensure that happens. Whether that means raising them in a strict, controlled environment, or a lenient friendlier approach. Markham states “Research shows most people believe strict parenting will result in better behaved kids” (np). Studies show this may not always be the case. “Strict, or authoritarian, child-raising actually produces kids with lower self-esteem who behave worse than other kids -- and therefore get punished more!” (Markham np). Strict parenting actually creates behavior problems in children (np). Strict parenting temporarily controls children’s behavior, but in the long run creates the opposite picture created. Once the child hits the age where they become an adult and go out on their own, it is time to experience the things they were never able to experience under their parent’s rules (np). Not only can it cause rebellion, but it can also lead to aggression and social problems within the child. Senses of loneliness, as well as a lack of confidence, are regular outcomes within a child after undergoing parents who were too strict in their early learning process. There is always a positive and a negative result. On a positive note, teaching them right from wrong at an early stage can help them in the future with tough decisions. Here, Greenwood expresses his opinions saying, “The benefits of strict parenting are the values and morals they gain” (np). By growing up with strict morals and values they do not know much different (Greenwood np). Another benefit to having strict parents is the children become more responsible (np). Knowing the difference between right and wrong is a huge key to success. Especially learning from such a young age, they grow to understand their boundaries and responsibilities. As they grow older, the young adults will appreciate the strictness they overcame as a child. Having such responsibilities as a child only prepares them for their future. If all turns out well, there is a possibility of raising their own kids the same way, setting them up for success. “An October 2012 article in ‘U.S. News Health’ reported that strict mothers could positively affect behaviors in their children’s friends. Friends of adolescents with strict mothers were less likely to smoke, binge drink or use marijuana” (Mann np). Not only is it difficult on the kids, but it is difficult on the parents. An interviewee relates to her parenting stating, “As a parent, I just want the best for my kid, and I will do whatever it takes to ensure that happens” (Depaola). Not one person in this world is the same, everyone has unique qualities and are all raised differently. The way parents raise their children is based off of the way they were raised and so on. In the 1950’s children were born into a strict, harsh decade where punishment was cruel. Like parents now, they believed punishment was the answer to less bad behavior. Today’s day in age, there is a lot more technology and it is being abused by parents to keep the children busy. Punishment now doesn’t involve a beating like the 1950’s, it involves taking away their technology. “During the 1960s, developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind described three different types of parenting styles based on her researcher with preschool-age children. One of the main parenting styles identified by Baumrind is known as the authoritarian parenting style. Authoritarian parents have high expectations of their children and have very strict rules that they expect to be followed unconditionally” (Kendra Cherry np). The way the child’s parents were raised is a huge factor in how the child will be raised. To some parenting comes naturally and to others it does not. “Parents want their children to grow into socially mature individuals. It can be frustrating to try and figure out the best way to parent your child and help them turn out to be socially mature” (Myers, David, G. Page 111). Consequences and discipline shape how the child will act in the future, whether it is good or bad. In some cases the children learned their lesson when they were little and did not make the same mistakes in the future. “A lesson like that settles deeply into the psyche of a kid” (Parenting np). In other cases, the child rebelled due to the fact they were irritable. Having strict discipline in the house hold either has positive or negative results. The difference in strict discipline and non-strict discipline is the scare factor (np). The harsher the discipline the more scared the child would be to make that mistake again. Although in life, mistakes are needed in order to learn. The calmer the discipline is, the child will be able to experience that mistake in a controlled manner. Our parents grew up in a completely different generation than we are growing up in currently (np). It was a lot harder to be a parent back then, as there were no other help with raising a kid. Now-a-days there are classes, books, teachers, and so on to help with the raising of a child. Parents feel the need to keep a tight leash on children to watch their every move to make sure no harm could ever be done. “When you are young if you are given too much freedom you can get in situations that you aren't old enough to handle” (Jackson np). Little do they know there might not be physical harm, but there is definitely some emotional harm. Having such strict parents does not mean just harsh rules and discipline; it could also mean lack of emotion, pressure to have a certain image, and other things. In most cases, the parent is usually working a lot and brings that stress home. Sometimes the child doesn’t feel as if the parents care about them as much as they care about how they look. “I think this can play a BIG role. In my family (all professionals) going to university was not an option. Growing up, I never once considered not going to university (in fact, my family generally follows the doctor, lawyer, engineer rule). The expectations are set higher” (web np). Most strict parents live vicariously through their children because they never had those opportunities when they were a kid. Parents don’t mean harm. One of things heard most from my own mother is “I want you to have what I didn’t” (Conley) and this is believed to be true. Children who live in strict households are taught to make good decisions but they do not learn to make them on their own. The sense of being afraid to make their own thoughts and decisions is the result. Often these kids become rebellious once they go off on their own. After interviewing Vivian, a lot has been learned. There is no initial intention on being strict. It is hard to find a happy medium and still make sure the overall job of being a parent is being done. While interviewing, the emotional attachment to this subject was present. It is a tough subject to go over for some people. In this case, she was born and raised to a very strict religious family and rebelled once she had freedom. To make sure her daughter did not do that, she acted differently and did not follow in her parents footsteps. You can ultimately make or break a child by the way you raise them. I always thought no matter what we as the kids could make our own decisions and choose who we want to be. Without our parents guidance we wouldn’t have anything to base ourselves off of for ones future. In comparison, Ari had some experience with this topic. Her mother was somewhat in between strict and laid back. Being an only child, Ari’s mom, Vivian, hasn’t had any “practice” one could say. In the early years, Vivian started off being the strict parent. There were a lot of restrictions in Ari’s life. A few examples are for instance she was not allowed to watch certain TV shows, sleep over at a friend’s house, listen to certain music, a lot of frustration occurred from Ari. The frustration only grew bigger and bigger which caused her to grow a certain personality type, the type that would rebel. Vivian realized that after certain circumstances. After a while, changes were bring made and Vivian was more lenient. Entering middle school, this was a rebellion stage for Ari. After being rebellious, Vivian gained the strict parenting back. In order for Vivian to gain control over Ari’s actions again, she had to gain authority back. After strict consequences Ari was scared to make the same mistakes, which is a benefit. Although, the reasoning for her rebellious attitude is from not feeling like she can experience life in her own way. Her mom is not completely lenient now, but she is not completely strict. Vivian has grown to realize Ari needs to have freedom and she needs to give that to her, so once she is on own, she is not completely lost and exposed to life outside of strict rules. Some of the questions asked during the interview gave a new outlook in this topic. For example, one of the questions asked was about Vivian’s opinion on strict parenting and she replied saying, “In my opinion the more strict you are, the more your child is to turn against your will and rebel. If you give no space and freedom there is no room to breathe and gather who you are as you own.” I most absolutely agree with her statement. Not only is this coming from a parent’s perspective but it is also coming from a behavior specialist. Another question was what type of parent she thinks she is out of the five main types (ex. Instinctive, Attachment, Helicopter, Authoritative, and Permissive) respectively she said, “I am a little bit of all of the types but the one I am most like would have to be helicopter. My daughter is an only child so I have no other children to keep my eye on. I want to make sure my daughter is safe and sound and protected from danger. I do understand they need the situations to learn from, but as a mother it is hard to watch your baby make the wrong decisions” (Depaola). She grew up in a household with very strict parents. Asking if she grew up with strict parents, she began to get emotional about the topic. “Actually, my parents were very strict. I wasn’t allowed to listen to any music that wasn’t Christian. I also was forbidden from wearing any makeup until I turned 18 years old. The day I turned 18 I moved out of the house and got an apartment with my closest friends. I went a little bit crazy in my years alone without parental supervision and I do not want my daughter making the same mistakes I did. Thus why I chose to be the parent I am today” (Depaola). No one teaches a person how to raise a child. To some it comes naturally and to others it does not. Some people take to books and some people take to the way they were raised. The way parents choose to raise their children, is solely up to them. Everyone wants the best for their children and will do whatever it takes to ensure that happens. Whether that means raising them in a strict, controlled environment, or a lenient friendlier approach. Strict parenting is not always the result to a well behaved child. In fact, in most cases it causes more misbehaved kids and strict parenting can even lead to social problems and can cause depression. Being a strict parent is not all that it seems to be. Parents should enjoy life and trust their kids and teach them the right ways to enjoy their lives as well. Statistically shown, less strict parents lead to a better behaved child.
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