Angel in Disguise

Topics: Family, The Hardest Thing Pages: 6 (2397 words) Published: April 23, 2012
The day was December 5, 2005, a Monday to be exact. This day was just like any other day that had risen with the sun and fallen with the moon. Her mother was still being consumed by this cancer they called Lymphoma, yet at the time Janee had no idea. It would have only been a matter of hours since Janee had started her day, before she would learn about the poison that would tear her family apart. Immediately she had regretfully accepted the fact that there was nothing on the face of this earth that could prepare an individual for such devastating and mind-altering news. It all seemed like it was yesterday, as she constantly replayed the conversation in her head that she had shared with her sister on that cold Monday morning. From that day on everyday became December 5th as those feelings of distress, pain, and guilt seeped through every pore of her body and embedded itself in her mental and spiritual state. Clearly she remembered the exact moment her sister, Evelyn, called to tell her the news about their mother. She reminisced on how she rapidly felt numb, as a huge lump formed in her throat, while she listened on the other end of the receiver, speechless. To her inner self and thoughts, Janee had become that helpless character in her own horror film. You know the scene where there is a long hallway, and no matter how fast or hard the actor runs, they just can never seem to find the other side of the door. Accept in Janee’s case, she just could not seem to find the other side of reason. Uncertainty was all that she could grasp. How could this be happening to a woman who has already suffered so much? In the beginning, Janee grew sick inside as her mind ran frantic. Suddenly, everything that she had studied in college to gain her master’s degree and PhD, all her research on cancer and nutrition, faded into the shadows. No longer was Janee in her office dealing with day-to-day patients or complete strangers coming to seek her advice about how to live a healthy life; she was now the one focusing in on her mother. Her chest grew tight and she could feel those old anxiety symptoms rushing back. Everything suddenly changed. Everything must change when it is someone you love, whose life is on the line. Taking a glance back her past, Janee realized that her biggest regret was developing her priorities into Should Have, Could Have, Would Have thoughts that repeatedly bounced around in her head. Often she would think to herself, “Why was I so stubborn?” Janee had not spoken to her mother in almost one month before she had received the news. Over and over again, Janee would tell herself that she would just wait until her mother called her, because from conversations in the past, she felt a genuine disinterest from her. When friends used to ask Janee about her mother, before there was knowledge of her sickness, Janee always replied, “She is ok. We haven’t talked in a while. She never really seems to want to talk.” Little did Janee know, her mother was not well, which soon explained it all. “I wonder why she hasn’t called me?” She would ask herself this, over and over again, as she stared out the window of her loft apartment, overlooking the city. Her Robert, her bundle of joy and better half, would frequently tell her to call and check on her mother, but in retaliation Janee would faithfully say, “No, she will call me when she has something to say.” After Janee received the bad news, she made it a point and her duty to call her mother everyday, once in the morning and once in the evening. At that instant, Janee needed and wanted her mother to know just how much she loved her. And that’s exactly what she did. At the beginning of every conversation they shared together, the first thing she always let her mother know was “I love you!” She loved her mother everyday of her life, and would continue to do so until the end of her own life. The last time Janee was able to see her mother; she was in a hospice...
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