Chapter Outline
DIVORCED PARENTS
• Know three reasons men and women want a divorce o Communication problems o Not compatible o Unhappiness The Grief Process
• Know the seven bullet points of how Emergy suggests parents manage their own anger o Accepting all their feeling about the divorce, writing about them or talking to friends or a therapist about them o Not responding to partners’ provocations o Maintaining a neutral, business-like approach to solcing problems, speaking only briefly o Deciding to focus on the most important issues and letting unimportant issues go o Being pleasant and emotionally neutral with spouse or partner when in the presence of the children o Examining one’s own role in the marital problems o Remembering the good times and the fun even through there is a sadness at the loss
• Emergy suggests ways for parents to help children through the grief process. Know what these suggestions are— hint: these are at the bottom of page 453 o Encouraging children to express their emotions to the parents even though parents’ actions are the cause of the pain o Permitting children to have their own emotional reactions o Helping children gain insight into feelings and find words to express them o Talkig about one’s own feelings as is appropriate o Reducing losses from the divorce as much as possible The Process of Divorce
• Know percentage of parents that are able to put aside their differences o 25%
• Know the percentage of parents that participate in parallel parenting o 50% o parallel parenting is parenting in your own way and not working together
• Know the percentage of parents that engage in ongoing conflict o 25% o causes stress for children
• Know how long it takes to adapt to the changes and establish new patterns of family life o 2 years Telling Children
• Know the two things parents can do when telling their children about the divorce—hint: