On the 15th of July, 2011 the day my dearest grandmother passed away. “I’ll always be with you”, her very last words. I still vaguely remember clutching her hands, weeping, begging her not to sleep but now its nothing more than a vivid memory 2 years ago. Yet her face still haunts my once pleasant dreams. Her presence still lingers in my heart.
My grandmother’s belongings reminisce bringing me more anguish. School became a hassle...my friends became distant...all I did was grieve. I started to lose my sanity...convincing myself that I was forlorn though my parents were there all along. I cried until my pillow was soaked with tears every night. She captivated me with her resonating light, nut now I’m in a bind by the life she left behind.
I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that she is no longer here. Nonetheless I’m suppressed by my childish fears. When I’d cried she’d wipe away all of my tears, when I’d scream she’d fight away all of my fears and she held my hand through all of these years but my selfishness is something I’ll never be able to persevere.
There’s just too much that time cannot erase. As these growing emotions engulfed me. The wounds are so deep that they won’t seem to heal. . My World was black and white, beauty rotted away. A constant constricting in my chest as I wonder “how can they be so happy?”
I wavered empty for 1 year until I realised I had control of my life. Suicide was a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I looked for the good things in life and cherished it. The past was the past, the present is now and the future is oblivious. Moving on to a me!
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