September 8, 2010
Jane Erin O’Brien
What is identity and what is it used for? [Unless in a quote or a title, avoid rhetorical questions in academic writing] According to the Webster's dictionary identity means "Information, such as an identification number, used to establish or prove a person's individuality, as in providing access to a credit account." Identity can be determine as many different [Redundancy: if you have "many," surely they are "different." Remove "different"] things [Vagueness--"things" is a wording gimmick to avoid further description] you [Eliminate second person (you, your) in academic documents and avoid addressing the reader directly. Use third-person pronouns (he, she, it, they)] have identity theft, identity... [continues]
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