Please read through all my edits before fixing this essay. There is a grading rubric at the end of the essay so that you can see how this essay scores as a rough draft.
According to some scientific researches, children who can't find their fathers make one up or appropriate one to their liking, whether or not they call him "Daddy." It is not only when they can’t find their father, but even when they feel that their father is not behaving like the way they want them to behave. Many people believe that women are better parents than men, as women have carried the baby for 9 months and are able to care for it in a superiorly way than men, because men would not have got the so called ‘mother instinct’. This instinct is necessary, because it usually tells mothers what to do when dealing with their kid. While this may seem correct in the first place, it isn’t necessarily so. There are a lot of men who are careful and are able to care for their own children too, as all people have a ‘protective instinct’. Nevertheless, women usually have more patience for their children, as they care for them every day. So, we could state that women are better parents than men. * The thesis statement is not clear in the opening paragraph. * Many items are written under an assumption and a generalization. * Please cite the sources that you have used.
To start with, more women than men stay at home to clean the house, to cook and to care for the children. In most countries, men are the ones who do the heavy work for the money, like working in a factory, just because their physical state is better and stronger. We can stimulate this argument by looking at the evidence on ‘http://resources.metapress.com/pdf preview.axd?code=n77ju51272x65105&size=largest’. It is actually a fact that men work more than women in general. The work mentioned here concerns work in, for example, a factory or an office. For instance, If we...