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With Honors

By | October 2011
Page 1 of 4
Montgomery "Monty" Kessler is an honors student in the Government program at Harvard University in the middle of writing his senior thesis. Monty rooms with art student Courtney Blumenthal, radio DJ and trust fund child Everett Calloway, and neurotic pre-med student Jeff Hawkes, and is the pet project of Professor Pitkannan, a Nobel Laureate and staunch conservative. One night, while working on his thesis, his computer suffers a hard drive failure and all his data is lost. Paranoid about something happening to his sole printed copy, he leaves in the middle of the night to make copies, with Courtney following to make sure he is okay. While taunting Courtney for falling behind, Monty trips over a bike rack, breaking his ankle and dropping his thesis down a steam vent and into the boiler room of Widener Library. As Courtney distracts the night security guard, Monty sneaks down into the cellar to retrieve his paper. When he arrives in the boiler room, he sees a disheveled man reading it, then burning the thesis page by page. Shouting for him to stop, he is then attacked by the startled man. Asking only for his thesis back, the homeless man demands compensation for not burning it. Refusing a personal check, he demands donuts and fresh underwear. After returning to his house looking for advice and help from his roommates, he calls the university police on the man. They arrest him and search his belongings, but the thesis is not there. Following the man to his court appearance, we find his name to be Simon B. Wilder. After convincing the judge to dismiss the charges against him with impressive legal arguments, he is then held on contempt. Monty pays his fine so that he can get his thesis back. Following him outside, he confronts Simon about the paper. Simon then confronts Monty about getting him kicked out of a warm "palace" with "seventeen bathrooms and eight miles of books," telling Monty he sees him only as "a piece of shit" and not a real person. Monty and Simon...

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