Why I Want to Be a Doctot

Rohan Shad in Understandings & Epiphanies3 min read
Why I want to be a doctor
First of all, I really enjoy medschool; it’s full of crazy ups and downs, but honestly, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I actually started this essay almost a year ago, and it’s been stuck at that one line until now.

I confess that I am slightly materialistic, I do care about the money. I do care about the life I want to live when I’m older. I feel guilty about it sometimes. The general public views doctors as selfless, caring people who are somewhat detached from the capitalist world we live in.

I can be caring, I can be selfless and I can spend sleepless nights for the wellbeing of my patients. That last bit about money I’m not too certain about though, and it’s something I’m working on actively.

I am 100% sure it wasn’t just the money that motivated me to go into medicine. Frankly, there are many easier, faster and less work intensive ways of making much more money than a career medicine will ever give you. But the money factor does play in my mind, more often than I would like it to.

I relish the idea of assessing a patient, then use my vast mental resources (which I sincerely hope are vast by then) to diagnose and guide him or her towards a better life. That aspect of medicine is something I absolutely love, and I hope this is the reason I’m so passionate about it. I haven’t had any real clinical experience as of yet, so I can’t say much more about this.

The respect - I want that halo around me when I work. I want to be doing something no body else can do, and I want to be the best at it. I want that aura that I see around my dad, when he’s on his surgery rounds. It’s a calm and compassionate environment that he creates around himself. Poised and in deep thought; you can almost see the years of experience streaking through his eyes. It’s amazing. And I want that.

The truth is, every time I think of why I chose medicine, out of everything else that I could have ever wanted to do, I end up thinking more about these vague and abstract mental constructs. I think of auras and halos and emotions like “compassion” and “dedication”. But nothing concrete as such.

Strangely, the more I think about it, the happier I get. The fact that my reasons for choosing medicine are the products of my own mental constructs; and not of anything I can see, feel or buy in the material world, gives me strength.

Understanding the passion I have for the subject, in it’s most elemental and basic forms, is the first step towards that almost hallowed level of patient care.There is a certain purity about medicine when it’s practiced the way it’s supposed to be. And it’s a rarity in todays world - a void I hope to fill someday.