By: Kaylee Schadek
Why me, why not?
I’m lying, paralyzed; I hear others around me but can’t make a sound. My vision is blurred all I can see is color and the difference between light and dark. Brightness surrounds me mostly. I can hear the machine checking my heart rate. The tubes running up my arms make it hard to move. I have second-rate heart cancer and I’m thinking why does this have to happen to me, at the same time why not? I know others have had it, all the same. Then I start to feel self centered. I’m broken out of my thoughts to hear the doctor come near me. I can’t see him. All the sudden there is silence, no sound of the machines.
I’m trying to tell him I’m alive, to turn the machines back on, but I cannot talk, for the first time in my life I’m not sure I will live to grow old. In my head I’m screaming but he doesn’t hear me. Finally I try to move, I move just enough that he notices. He asks me if I can hear him, I do but I can’t answer. I get anxious and hope he’ll turn the machines back on. Sure enough he does. I can see better now, able to open my eyes more. I’m able to talk by visiting hours. My friends and family come by to see me and are told I will be released within about a month and that “I was making good progress.”
Within a few weeks I’m back home. I can’t go to school though; instead they have someone bring my schoolwork to my house. I’m relieved but nervous. I keep saying to myself that it’ll get better, but I also think why did I even get cancer in the first place? I think about everything that has happened to me and everything that’s yet to come. I hope that I will be able to recover. Scared and anxious are my main feelings everyday all day.
Two weeks later, I’m back to school like any normal kid except after lunch I have to go to the nurse. One night I received a call saying that I was to go back to the hospital for a check up. Only to find out instead of getting better the cancer was spreading. I got...