November 6, 2012
What Love & Logic means to effective parenting!
What parents want is to cherish their kids, have fun with them, and enjoy a less stressful family life. There is never a shortage of advice from friends, family and even well-meaning strangers when becoming a parent. Nothing can ever truly prepare parents for the actual experience of raising children. We all want to be great parents and we all want to do the right thing, but in addition to balancing all the advice we’re given against our own upbringing and instincts, we still struggle. As parents we set the rules and expect our children to obey them…. In other words: What I say goes-or else. Previous generations took a much more punitive and fear-based approach to parenting, which feeds the illusion that our parents and grandparents didn’t have to do much to earn respect; it was simply an automatic response by their children. The truth is much of that discipline was rooted in corporal punishment or fear –inducing experiences that made their children appear to have respect and did indeed impact their behavior. Love and Logic Parenting offers an affective and beneficial way to parenting without resorting to corporal punishment, spanking or hitting our children. It is no longer considered healthy or socially acceptable to paddle children in school, slap children in the face or spank them with a belt when they do something wrong. In fact, those actions are now typically considered child abuse. Respect nowadays needs to be earned through appropriate discipline techniques not fear. By setting clear rules and expectations, explaining the consequences of their actions, and following through and enforcing those consequences fairly and consistently. Modeling, showing a good example, has been proven to affect children positively in every area of life: academic achievement, employment, health habits, peer and romantic relationships, coping, as well as communication and conflict resolution. And just as modeling good behavior is important, it’s also important for a parent to admit when they have made a mistake, particularly when it comes to their kids. If they see an adult own up to having done something wrong, they, too, will learn to take responsibility when they do something wrong. It may be desirable of parents to hang out with their children or teenagers and be more like friends than parent/child. Being a child’s friend can’t be a priority, our job is to be a good parent! This doesn’t mean that parents can’t enjoy activities and good times with their children, but it does mean that rules need to be made, boundaries set, and consequences enforced. At times, parents may not be the most popular person in the house! Sometimes, what’s right for your child and/or family isn’t what your child wants. When it comes to a parent/child relationship, there is an automatic hierarchy: the parent is in charge. In an actual friendship, both parties ideally get equal say. But parent‘s aren’t exactly a friend. Parents are guides, leader, instructors and disciplinarians… and when the work is done, and then they can hang out with their children. All parents want a close, good relationship with their children and to enjoy time with them. As parent’s we get to say when, how and what happens. There may come a point, if parents have been dealing with their child’s serious problems for a prolonged period of time, at which they simply give up hope that things can change for the better. If parents are coping with serious issues like substance abuse, mental illness, eating disorders, truancy, aggression or even rebellion, parents may feel like anything and everything in their power to change the situation has been tried. At no time in history have parents been unsure of their parental role, even the best aren’t sure about whether they are using the best techniques. Society has changed; therefore the children of this generation compared to the children of...