What Can a Person Do to Avoid Being Hurt by the People the People They Love? (the Wars, Timothy Findley)

Topics: Love, Victimisation, Great Expectations Pages: 5 (1842 words) Published: May 31, 2013
Everyone’s been hurt before, be it on purpose or by accident. There are many ways for them to get hurt, this is made all the more powerful when the source of the pain is someone that they love, someone to whom they have an emotional attachment. Whether it be by a lover or a loved one, the physical and especially emotional distress seem powerful enough to determine their course of action and even change a person. Many of the times this kind of situation must occur before people take certain measures against being hurt again. Perhaps it’s an instinctive move to want to protect yourself. Nevertheless, many people take different approaches to it, some turn hurt into rage, others would deny whatever it is that has happened but some don’t avoid it at all and allow themselves to feel the hurt. But what we see for sure, is that the way that the way the hurt occurred contributes strongly to the victims’ reaction and if through their actions they are victims or agents.

Again, hurt is defined just as strongly by the victim’s reaction to it as to the way it has happened. When someone was hurt because of the actions of another, the ways in which someone will attempt to avoid being hurt are completely different. Some would swallow their pride and try to let go and move on. Others, would obstinately hold onto the insult and turn their grief into rage. Whether it is because of shame or if it is because of a single-minded desire for revenge, this is exactly what Mrs Havisham, from the novel Great Expectations does. Left on her wedding day by a swindler who pretended to love her in order to extort money, she freezes all of time on that day to the very minute. She refuses to change anything, her clothes, the room, her life. She focuses her every emotion onto that moment and changes her grief to a vicious revenge, most notably by raising a young orphan named Estella into a woman with no heart. Although a much more unrealistic version of a character with extravagant repercussions, there is no doubt that this kind of thing, hurt which becomes rage which becomes fuels a desire for revenge, does occur. Like with children or adolescents who feel that they’ve been neglected by their parents or by the world. Sometimes would hurt themselves, rebelling by doing drugs or being involved in criminal activity, to get back at their parents. To hurt their parents by hurting themselves, not an uncommon situation. However, we also notice that as this occurs, the victim is usually victimizing themselves in addition to others. Such was the case when Mrs. Havisham realizes that her revenge wasn’t as sweet as she thought as she witnessed Pip struggle hopelessly in love as she did years earlier. Moreover, she realized that she destroyed Estella’s compassion. As Estella was never raised with love, she could not love. Soon consumed with guilt, Mrs Havisham realizes that in her pursuit of revenge, she further victimized Estella, Pip, and herself. The motives behind these situations, using hurt against hurt, is just like using fire to fight fire. It’s probably a wonderful distraction not to address your own hurt, but to feel as if you are doing something towards an end and putting the blame on someone else. Like the child blaming their parents for how they turned out or Mrs Havisham blaming the world, trying to fight back. However, like fighting fire with fire, what we end up with instead is simply more fire. We have simply dragged everyone and everything down with us.

Other times, people are hurt because of an accident that has occurred, not because of someone else’s actions. Like a sudden serious sickness or a death that happens before you’ve had the chance to blink. When this kind of grief occurs, it’s difficult to do anything but try to stop one’s head from reeling. It all comes so unexpectedly, you don’t know what to do and it is because you know there was nothing that you could do, you were utterly helpless. This was such a case when I heard that an aunt...
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