Virginia Woolf imitation

I Want to be Heterosexual
During the intimate process of multiplication, which took eight months, I sparkled and glittered my way out of one world and into another, which were similarly one-in-the-same. According to basic biology, and to my understanding, I’ve been living with a unique X and Y chromosome, and so I’ve been associating myself as that since the day of my birth.
I’ve been surrounded by an exponential amount of estrogen my entire fabulous life, perhaps like women’s menstrual cycles, their feminine energy shifted into my core and is what motivated the biology of my being to be corrupted with an exquisite sense of fashion, attitude, flamboyance, femininity and all together beauty. At least I can always say that it wasn’t my fault! Although a significant amount of the population would gracefully like to disagree with that statement. This has led me into a deep trance of tranquility, meditating and thought over the recently concluded “choice” that I would like to enforce, life would be far less narrow and easier if I was like the others. I want to be a heterosexual!
I want to travel back in time, during the formation of my bones and my organs, I want to make sure that my thoughts are completely and utterly focused on sports of all nature! While in my past form as a fetus, if any sense of femininity is occurring in the outside world, I will send menstrual cramps within my carrier in order to evacuate and keep my fragile and easily influenced nature away from anything which can cause fabulousness, if you’re not careful. I want to be surrounded by dirt, motorcycles, bombs, flames and anything that commonly but mistakenly depicts masculinity! I want more! I want nothing but malicious men around my carrier, I want them to make crude and obscene and derogatory jokes regarding women, I want to learn how to be a complete jerk and still apparently receive women at my door step and get away with it! I want those “men” to teach me their unjustly and illogical