Tips for a Successful Relationship
Instructor: Macy Dailey
October 17, 2011
Dear Jack and Jill,
My advice to you for a successful and everlasting relationship is good communication. Without good communication the relationship/engagement will not develop to the next level of marriage. In the beginning your communication was limited to conversations of neutral agreements because of the initial stage of your relationship. Researchers have found that one of the reasons a new relationship is usually so pleasant and friendly is that people emphasize the similarities they have and ignore the differences (Brown & Rogers, 1991). As your relation blossoms the differences in both of you will surface. Some maybe too minute to entertain, and can be easily overlooked or digested. Constant differences amongst partners that are everyday habits can be discussed and settle without harming the relationship. Disregarding or overlooking major concerns such as, financial matters, sexual preferences, and raising of children can be harmful to the relationship if not handle properly. Counseling may be recommended or advisable in most cases. Every relationship is different, no two relationship are the same. As the relationship unfolds and you both begin to know each other better, you will begin to release information to the other which was somewhat private at the start of the relationship. The most important characteristic of a deep interpersonal relationship is the self-disclosure of our innermost thoughts and feelings (Roeckelein, 1998). When you both begin to exchange personal information, building trust and confidence that is a sign that the relationship is progressing. As the relationship progresses you will be more incline to disclose more of your identity. Self Disclosure is sometime give-and-take, where both parties have equal risk when disclosing personal information. Shared disclosures will increase the vulnerability to being hurt or disrespected by others, and the fact that you both have devoted so much of yourself may make it complicated to break the bond you all have together.
Forming a relationship with someone is not like what you see on TV. Communication problems can surface and disrupt the relationship or even bring it to an end. Certain behaviors can really ruin a relationship. Being silent, nice, and playing games; these behaviors can damage a relationship and stand In the way of trust. Everyone tends to be silent at times, but lengthy silence is not good for the relationship. Refusing to talk to someone is frequently a means of controlling the other person or exerting power in a relationship. If it is prolonged, it can even be a form of psychological abuse (Chang, 1996). It is best to try and talk things out oppose to not talking at all. You know the old saying “time heals everything” so sometime it is better to let things along for a while if both of you understands that there is a problem. Another area of concern is being too nice or being overly agreeable. Don’t put yourself in a position where you would rather let someone have their way or just take the blame to make the problem go away. Playing Games will also destroy a relationship. In 1964, Eric Berne wrote a best-selling book titled Games People Play, which describes how people sometimes have ulterior motives. He called these strategies “games” (Berne, 1996). He defined games as a dysfunctional way of communicating, and it is a negative pattern of interacting that can develop between people. Berne said, “In most cases, the participants of the game are unaware that they are playing; they have simply developed a pattern of interacting that is not constructive or useful in growing the relationship”. Playing games at the expense of someone’s feelings is never a good thing. Relationships can easily take a turn for the worst when games are involved. The games will terminate when one of you decides to stop playing. The end...
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