THE SELF-DEFEATING TEST
The Self-defeating Thoughts Test asks you to test your thought with the following questions. If it fails one or more of t hese questions you decide if you want to keep the thought or exchange it for another.
*Will this thought fit with my deepest values and yearnings? *Will this thought interfere with my personal relationships and family life? *Will this thought provide the emotions I prefer?
*Will this thought support my short-term & long-term goals, my enlightened self-interest? *Will this thought give me something I don't want?
*Will I be required to balance elements in my life owing to having this thought? *Does this thought improve my life or my ability to perform? *Does this thought keep me out of significant conflict with others? (Unless the conflict is something I prefer). *Does this thought effect either my physical or mental health? *Could another thought work better for me?
*Will this thought affect my behavior adversely?
*Is this thought right for the context where it's employed? *Are there future consequences for keeping this thought?
*What might make it difficult to keep this thought in some instances?
SELF-DEFEATING THOUGHTS LIST
The Self-Defeating Thoughts List draws in part on the work of cognitive-behaviorists such as Albert Ellis, Aaron Beck, and David Burns.
Perfect performance: I should never lose, fail, or make errors. If I do, I am no good.
Impossibility: My challenges in life can never be overcome or solved. I can never be happy.
Inferior/defective: I am useless, inferior, defective, and have no value when compared to others. Why bother?
Emotionally Perfect: I must always be happy, in control, and fully confident and never be angry, down, or poorly controlled.
Approval anxiety: To be worthy I require everyone's approval.
Loveaholism: Without being loved by a special person I can not feel fulfilled and happy, nor can I accept myself and treat myself in loving and caring ways.
Just reward: You work very hard at something, do all the right things, make sacrifices, yet when you are done you are not rewarded or praised for your contribution. You feel entitled to recognition, yet none is forthcoming and you feel cheated.
Approvalitis: I must be approved and accepted or I am nothing.
Mind Reading: I can know another's intentions and feelings without them telling me or showing me. Their behavior can only be explained in my way.
Perfect human-hood: Others will not accept, love, or care about me if I am flawed, vulnerable, and make errors.
Changing others: Others must change so I can be happy and not be frustrated. People should do what suits me.
Right and wrong: I am right and you naturally are wrong.
Overly pleasing: I should please others even if it makes me feel bad and my life goes on the back-burner.
Entitlement: Others should do as I demand. I am a king walking among lowly servants.
My fault: I am to blame if anything goes wrong in a relationship.
Their fault: My partner is always to blame for anything that goes wrong in our relationship.
Aloneness fear: Being alone is intolerable, empty, and proves I'm unlovable. Aloneness always brings misery.
Self-conscious performance: I must impress others with my wit, wisdom, stimulating conversation, fashion, or I will be rejected or go unnoticed
Rejectaphobia: If I am rejected in love or at work, then I am a reject and life is horrible and unlivable.
Anger fear: Anger must be avoided because it is dangerous.
Stereotyping: People of that type all think and act the same. Negative hindsight: I should've known or done better and because I didn't, I am a negative label.
Belief without evidence: Believing in something without supporting evidence.
Magical thinking: Believing our thoughts control the outside world. Our worry will impact the outside world or if we believe something enough, we will make...