The Processes: Marriage vs. Divorce. a Realistic Approach

The Processes: Marriage vs. Divorce. A Realistic Approach Many young people can tell you exactly how they expect their wedding day to go. Flowers, cake toppers and the colors they’re wedding party is going to wear. As they get older, they’re taste and style trends mature and evolve as do they’re ides of the perfect wedding. Doves, butterflies and music dance in their heads on a regular basis. However, as maturity sets in, the cost and how they value a dollar usually causes some downsizing. Also some compromises are to be made as they discuss plans with their partners. This is a general idea of a wedding in the mind of a typical young person. Notice I have not mentioned anything about the state’s play in this? That is because as it stands, all the couple has to do in the state of Illinois is show up to one of seven locations with a valid id and $60.00. They license will be available for use the next calendar day. To find information on the process of marriage was simple. It was found in less than thirty seconds and there was a link that went right to the state’s website. However, searching for the exact process for divorce was a little more difficult. Researching this through the state’s websites and resources was not helpful. In order to find this information, searching for divorce lawyers for Illinois was how information was found. Learned through this method was there are two types of divorces can be filed, uncontested or contested. If a spouse files a “Petition for Dissolution of Marriage” and the other agrees, it would be considered uncontested. But if their other partner contests it, the process is longer. In the case of uncontested divorces, the couples typically reach an agreement on child support/ custody/ visitation and property and monetary distribution. However, in the case of contested divorce the courts have to disburse these which take court dates and time to complete. (Law, 2011) Many people in today’s society celebrate the fact that marriage is a religious, spiritual and an obvious step in everyone’s live. They feel marriage is sacred and an essential part of life. An article found on a blog called “Luis’s Poverty & Justice Blog” featured a piece entitled, “Argument that the Government Should Make Divorce Harder to Obtain”. This basically states that the government should make the divorce process more difficult as a way to save marriages. According to the stats listed in this article, if you have children and then get a divorce, those children will be subjected to a life long battle with behavior problems, depression, low grades in school and are ultimately 40% more likely to get a divorce themselves. Unsure of where these stats originated, it is difficult to gauge the authenticity of the sources. This blogger, along with many others, fell a good solution to the nation’s growing divorce rate would be to make the process to obtain a divorce more difficult than it is now. They also mention briefly that states should consider recommending premarital counseling. (Rodridguez, 2010) Rodriguez is not the only blogger or author in society who feels that the divorce process needs to be strengthened to fix the amount to marriages that go astray. According to an articles from the Michigan Bar Journal written by Michael A. Robbins, feels the same way. He compares how divorces are handled now to in the 1970’s. He also states that the court is very consumed in determining who is at fault for the divorce. Focusing on who was to blame only increases the tension and forces couples to blame each other. (Robbins, 2000). I agree that something should be adjusted given the outrageous divorce rate but because of my personal experience, I feel if the government focused more on the initial process of marriage, we could get the divorce rate at a more reasonable number. The main issue in this would be why would states continue to make applying and obtaining a marriage license similar to a trip to the dmv for a driver license update? If there is a problem, wouldn’t the solution start where the problem does? Why would we allow something to take place without any formal structure, and wonder why it is not working? Obviously if divorce has been increasing since the 1940’s, it is far from a new issue. According to the Department of Health, Education and Welfare, the divorce rate has been on a steady increase since the 1940’s. (Department of Health, 1976). Looking at more recent numbers made available by the Department of Health and Human Services, the divorce rates are pretty close to reaching 50%. Meaning about half of all marriages are ending in divorce. (Services, 2010) Since this issue has been around so long, it is puzzling to think of how this has not been approached from a new direction. The new approach is not in the same way that the previous blogger suggested, but in the process of marriage itself. Yet some readers may feel that the government is already over involved in our lives and argue that marriage is a scared bond between two people and the government has no business in there. However, when the government is employing divorce court judges and support staff and are funding the facilities and resources that go into processing a divorce, we have made it their business. I think there should be several mandated premarital counseling programs and a more in depth process. Background checks should be administered and signed off on by each party to ensure all history is known as well as credit checks. If the government takes charge and mandates investigations to ensure honesty within the foundation of the relationship, chances of divorce due to history or differences would be significantly lower. Counseling would help partners know one another better and assist in gauging if this is what they want in a lifelong relationship. Doing this should result ,in more marriages being successful and not ending in divorce. Addressing this national upraise of divorce as an issue and cause for concern, maybe putting into different terms will make it easier for different people to understand. An example would be that a parent knows their eight year old son is sensitive to sugar. They allow the child to have sugar on a nightly basis. When it is bath time, the child resists on a regular basis and ultimately lands himself in time out. Since this happens nightly, the parent decides on several different methods of discipline, assuming the child just does not want to go to bed. First they escalate the time served in time out. This does not prove to decrease the resistance, so they try making him write sentences to get out of time out. Still not satisfied with the results, they decide to move up his bed time. So instead of addressing the sugar intake, they just keep adjusting and escalating the consequences. Unless the issue of sugar is addressed in the initial process, a solution is nonexistent. Another aspect that should be considered while a putting marriage in a realistic perspective would be the reasons the individual wants to be married. Of course this should be addressed during the premarital counseling, but the reasons behind wanting to be married could very well ultimately lead to a divorce. There are constantly articles in magazines, newspapers and websites giving advice to people on how to get their lives together to find a life partner. For example, the Huffington Post has an article for women pointing out reasons why they are at a certain point in their lives and still are not married. Addressing issues typical women face at stages of their lives and providing advice on how to fix it. (McMillian, 2012) This leads one to realize that even though this is 2012, gender roles and society’s opinion on the traditional life pattern still has not changed much. Society still believes marriage is a part of everyone’s plan and if someone is not married at a certain stage in their lives, there is obviously something wrong with them. Providing advice on how to fix yourself to increase your chances in finding a life partner is made a priority. This is not only referring to women. Society feels marriage should happen and there are articles geared for men as well. An article from the Washington Post explores reasons on why men “need” marriage. The author, Mark Driscoll encourages men to stop relying on their mothers and grow up. Focus on first learning how to be responsible for themselves and learning to be responsible for their wives and eventually learning to be a responsible father. (Driscoll, 2012). Now this does take a realistic approach to men who ultimately yearn to be a husband and a father. This is another example on society guiding to the path of the traditional lifestyle and helping us to fit into traditional gender roles. Not every person feels that the traditional lifestyle is how they want to spend their lives. The reasons an individual wants to be married would be from the pressure they feel from society. The traditional life patter would be, finish school, get married and then have kids. Not everyone wants all of that or may not want it in this order. However, the pressures society outs on us could be over whelming. Many may want to get married for the simple reason of releasing from of the pressure. They are in love with how they are going to viewed by members of society. An article found in Time Magazine I found to really understand what I was saying and exactly where I was coming from. It starts with defining marriage and explains how if one is educated, they are more likely to be married. Also, families who are married are likely to be better off financially. The author goes on to explain that in today’s society, many couple chose to cohabitate out of financial necessity. They have to live together because they cannot afford to live alone. But they will not get married until they have enough money to get married, which keeps them in a catch. Studies have shown that educated people to chose to cohabitate use it as an introduction to married life. Once some kinks are worked out, they proceed to marriage and then usually they decide to have children. Couples who are less educated usually live together first, have children and then aim for the alter. The reasons behind the difference in patterns are unknown, but interesting. There were surveys conducted in the more recent years that have shown that people think marriage is becoming obsolete. In the “olden days” people needed marriage to have a family but now women and men can both live independently while still sharing children and maintaining their own employment. More recently, the term family is defined loosely as the nuclear family has basically become non-existent. To reiterate this point, they compared the TV show, Family Ties which was a nuclear family with three kids with Modern Family, who is a nuclear family whose parents divorced, the father remarried to a significantly younger woman. There is a gay brother who is married to his life partner and they have adopted a Vietnamese girl. This goes to show that the definition of a family has changed, just as the need for marriage has changed. The article goes on to explain that since women are now more likely than men to attend college, women are usually the ones who file for divorce. Women no longer need men and are more apt to realize when the man is not putting as much into the relationship as they are. Even those women who have no intentions of being remarried are refusing to be married to their current spouse. They would rather by without a husband than unhappy with one. (Luscombe, 2010) Currently, society believes in the traditional life pattern. You go to school, start your career, find a partner, get married and then have children. The nuclear family is still the right way to do things and this should be done by a certain age or stage in one’s life. This is society’s view on how life should be, if you want to life a proper and happy life. Realistically, marriage is no longer a necessity. Anyone someone wants to do can be done without the ring. Over whelming pressures and things to live up to can be overwhelming especially to someone who wants nothing to do with family life. There is an epidemic when it comes to the divorce rate and society feels we should make the divorce process harder, to help save marriages. I say that divorce is not the issue here. The lax attitude we have towards marriage, initially is where the issue all started. Why would the government force people to stay together who may have had no business being together in the first place? Forcing people to get to know their chosen partner prior to being married is the only solution. By making people face their partner and really get to know them first will ultimately verify their personal decisions in getting married and will result in more successful marriages.

Works Cited
Department of Health, E. a. (1976). Divorces and Divorce Rates . Hyattsville, Md: DHEW, Public Heath Service and National Center for Health Statistics.
Driscoll, M. (2012, 1 11). Why Men Need Marriage. Washington Post .
Law, E. (2011, July 02). What is the Divorce Process in Illinois? Retrieved 11 2012, 2012, from Expert Law: http://www.expertlaw.com/forums/showthread.php?t=125782
Luscombe, B. (2010, Nov 18). Who Needs Marriage . Time Magazine .
McMillian, T. (2012, 5 26). Why Your Still Not Married. Huffinton Post .
Robbins, M. A. (2000). Divorce Reform: We Need New Solutions, Not a Return to Fault. Michigan Bar Journal , Vol. 79 No. 2.
Rodridguez, L. E. (2010, May 12). Argument that the Government Should Make Divorce Harder to Obtain. Retrieved 11 2012, from Luis 's Poverty & Justice Blog: http://luispoverty.blogspot.com/
Services, D. o. (2010). Births, Marriages, Divorces,and Deaths. Hyaatsville, Md: National VItal Statistics.

Cited: Department of Health, E. a. (1976). Divorces and Divorce Rates . Hyattsville, Md: DHEW, Public Heath Service and National Center for Health Statistics. Driscoll, M. (2012, 1 11). Why Men Need Marriage. Washington Post . Law, E. (2011, July 02). What is the Divorce Process in Illinois? Retrieved 11 2012, 2012, from Expert Law: http://www.expertlaw.com/forums/showthread.php?t=125782 Luscombe, B. (2010, Nov 18). Who Needs Marriage . Time Magazine . McMillian, T. (2012, 5 26). Why Your Still Not Married. Huffinton Post . Robbins, M. A. (2000). Divorce Reform: We Need New Solutions, Not a Return to Fault. Michigan Bar Journal , Vol. 79 No. 2. Rodridguez, L. E. (2010, May 12). Argument that the Government Should Make Divorce Harder to Obtain. Retrieved 11 2012, from Luis 's Poverty & Justice Blog: http://luispoverty.blogspot.com/ Services, D. o. (2010). Births, Marriages, Divorces,and Deaths. Hyaatsville, Md: National VItal Statistics.