The Monster Inside Me

I had everything. Loving family, supportive friends, good grades, degree in ballet… etc. Not much, but there’s no shortage for anything. But life isn’t always perfect, especially when the monster inside you starts to show. I was at the dance studio half an hour earlier before the rehearsal starts. Determined to be the best as I got the first role for the upcoming ballet production “Swan Lake”. I got all the applause and compliments from all the musical directors and choreographers. Everything was meant to be, I was the brightest star.

But life isn’t always fair. The door cracked open as I was doing my last stretching before heading to the stage. The director walked in, along with another girl from the ensemble group. “Charlotte,” She said. “She will take the lead role from now on, you’ll be her backup,” the director continued. “Five minutes on stage.” They went out the door.

I was stunned. Everything happened in just a blink of an eye. I worked so hard for this role and everything was meant to be. I couldn’t accept the fact that someone is better than me. Someone that can make the choreographers and directors think for a second thought. I wasn’t satisfied. I went up the stage and argued with the director. Thinking of something that could make him change his decision. “Your figure is not what we want for the role.”

I was beaten by that. Never in my life did someone actually point out my imperfection before. I thought I was perfect. I rushed to the toilet to hide my tears. I am strong, or in the other word, I was afraid to lose.

High self-esteem is what I got since the day I was born. I highly believe that I was worth everything because I spent much of my time striving to achieve perfection in every aspect of my life. What I did not realize was that in my desperate need to be perfect, I sacrificed the very body and mind that allowed me to live.

I looked at myself in the mirror. The reflection of mine