The Leap of Faith
Smarthinking's E-structor Response Form
(Your marked-up essay is below this form.)
HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper!
*Strengths of the essay:
Hi, Britanny. My name is Kathleen, and I am going to help you strengthen your essay. Let’s get started. A major strengh of your essay is your intriguing opener:
At first, falling in love and skydiving may seem diverse, yet they are unsuspectingly parallel to each other.
You have certainly grabbed your readers’ attention! *Brittany 6004467 has requested that you respond to the Main Idea/Thesis:
Your thesis statement certainly meets the requirements of a well-written thesis, which are:
1. 1. to present the writer’s position (sometimes called the “claim”)
2. 2. to forecast the major points (sometimes called reasons) of the essay
3. 3. to do this as precisely as possible (usually in one sentence)
You write:
Skydiving and falling in love are similar in many ways; Both mutually involve mental preparation, worries, commitment, courage, appreciation, uncertainty, taking a chance, commitment, dilemma, and regret.
The most effective part of your thesis is the clear focus on all of your major points, Britanny. As a reader, I appreciate knowing these points in a thesis statement.
As you consider revisions, you may want to make one simple change. Do you notice that you have included the word commitment twice? Check your essay to see where this concept is placed in the organzation, then eliminate the correct word from your thesis.
*Brittany 6004467 has requested that you respond to the Grammar & Mechanics:
I noticed some run-on sentences. Here is an example of a run-on sentence from your essay:
Skydiving and falling in love are similar in many ways; Both mutually
HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper!
*Strengths of the essay:
Hi, Britanny. My name is Kathleen, and I am going to help you strengthen your essay. Let’s get started. A major strengh of your essay is your intriguing opener:
At first, falling in love and skydiving may seem diverse, yet they are unsuspectingly parallel to each other.
You have certainly grabbed your readers’ attention! *Brittany 6004467 has requested that you respond to the Main Idea/Thesis:
Your thesis statement certainly meets the requirements of a well-written thesis, which are:
1. 1. to present the writer’s position (sometimes called the “claim”)
2. 2. to forecast the major points (sometimes called reasons) of the essay
3. 3. to do this as precisely as possible (usually in one sentence)
You write:
Skydiving and falling in love are similar in many ways; Both mutually involve mental preparation, worries, commitment, courage, appreciation, uncertainty, taking a chance, commitment, dilemma, and regret.
The most effective part of your thesis is the clear focus on all of your major points, Britanny. As a reader, I appreciate knowing these points in a thesis statement.
As you consider revisions, you may want to make one simple change. Do you notice that you have included the word commitment twice? Check your essay to see where this concept is placed in the organzation, then eliminate the correct word from your thesis.
*Brittany 6004467 has requested that you respond to the Grammar & Mechanics:
I noticed some run-on sentences. Here is an example of a run-on sentence from your essay:
Skydiving and falling in love are similar in many ways; Both mutually