The Last Tea by Dorothy Parker

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Dorothy Parker
The Last Tea

The young man in the chocolate-brown suit sat down at the table where the girl with the artificial camellia had been sitting for forty minutes.
"Guess I must be late," he said. "Sorry you been waiting."
"Oh, goodness'" she said "I just got here myself, just about a second ago. I simply went ahead and ordered because I was dying for a cup of tea. I was late, myself. I haven't been here more than a minute." "That's good," he said. "Hey, hey, easy on the sugar - one lump is fair enough. And take away those cakes. Terrible! Do I feel terrible!' "Ah," she said, "said do? Ah. Whadda matter?"

"Oh, I'm ruined," he said. "I'm in terrible shape."
"Ah, the poor boy" she said. "Was it feelen’ mizzable? Ah, and it came way up here to meet me! You shouldn't have done that, I'd have understood. Ah, just think of it coming all the way up here when it’s so sick!"

"Oh, that's all right," he said. "I might as well be here as any place else. Any place is like any other place, the way I feel today. Oh, I’m all shot."
"Why, that's just awful," she said. "Why, you poor sick thing, goodness, I hope it isn't influenza. They say there's a lot of it around." "Influenza!" he said. "I wish that was all I had. Oh, I'm poisoned. I’m through. I'm off the stuff for life. Know what time I got to bed? Twenty minutes past five, A. M., this morning. What a night! What an evening!" "I thought," she said, "that you were going to stay at the office and work late. You said you'd be working every night this week." "Yeah, I know," he said. "But it gave me the jumps, thinking about going down there and sitting at that desk. I went up to May's, she was throwing a party. Say, there was somebody there said they knew you." "Honestly?" she said. "Man or woman?"

"Dame," he said. "Name's Carol McCall. Say, why haven't I been told about her before? That's what I call a girl. What a looker she is!" "Oh, really?" she said. "That's funny - I never heard of anyone that thought...
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