Teenage Decisions (Informal Essay)

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Sometimes I make wrong decisions, wrong choices, and wrong paths. And sometimes I make the right ones. And last night’s decision I am undecided about. You see what I did was in the spirit of the moment. I would not say it was a mistake it was more an irrational decision that I did not think of the impact of how strong it was, even if it was heartfelt. The feeling gave me butterflies but good ones, it is a first, and a rather intriguing prospect. A prospect I’m even nervous about. I have never felt this way before and I have no idea where it will go, for I know it may not even get to the first stage and yeh, its tough to think that I may get rejected and stuff but I dunno whether that’s a good thing. I really want time just to pass quickly and get the initial awkwardness over. That reminds me I must go to a meetup soon. They look so good and I’m rather jealous that these people are becoming friends and there are people who appear to be so lovely yet I don’t know yet . grr it really annoys me. In life we must be strong. But I cant be. I cant be strong ALL the time, but in the words of Labrinth ‘you have built your walls so high’ which I have. It is a defense mechanism, a mechanism that I have had to build from having difficult life experiences like being bullied for 8 years. 8 difficult years that are a struggle but have made me a stronger person. But I still don’t feel content with myself. For example last summer I was let down majorly, and it is tough to recover and it was my first and may well be my only. But that is what comes next, I made that big decision, and now it is time to see what happens, and what happens, happens and there is nothing I can do. Nothing I can do is good enough for anyone, so lets hope I can be good enough. This all started from the three words, ‘you are pretty’, little did I know how powerful they were to be. But I enjoy something like that, or at least I think I do, its good for me to experience stuff like this because ultimately it...
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