I know you probably think I am crazy writing you an email when I can just call or text you. But Sometimes I feel I can write what I feel a lot better than I can say it. I know lately I have been being somewhat crazy, but I can sense things changing—you changing—and I absolutely hate it. But the thing is, I knew it would happen, and I’m sure you did too. It’s not like you can help it, I know you are extremely busy with work, school, and friends. And I feel I am only holding you back, and am just something else you have to deal with. I don’t want to make you feel guilty for hanging out with your friends instead of talking to me either—that really is awful. You need to do what you want to do. We used to talk and text all day and now we hardly do at all. I can feel us drift apart more each day, and it hurts like a knife. I know you probably think I am just “tripping out” or whatever, but it’s really bothering me. I’m usually not one to get too into things or emotionally involved at all. I just move right on without even thinking twice. But, Daraius, I have never cared about someone the way I care about you. But that doesn’t change things, unfortunately. The thing is, I can’t take this. I really can’t. I don’t want to make you feel bad, and I don’t want to be waiting by the phone—expecting you to call me, while just constantly hurting. It’s ridiculous. I have no reason to be anything but happy, and I hate feeling sad.
I don’t want to make you feel like you have to call or talk to me either—that’s just awful. People do what that want, and Daraius, I can already tell things have changed. But it’s okay, that doesn’t change the way I feel about you. I do not want anyone but you—I don’t care if we are millions of miles apart. There is no boy out there like you—and I really do not even have any desire at all to date anyone else. But sometimes, you don’t get what you want. And that is fine. I understand. I can still be happy, I just can’t be drug along. You can move on easily, any girl would be lucky to have you.
I can feel you forget me, and all the amazing memories we made this summer. I feel like each day, you forget a little more. You forget how each day we both couldn’t stop smiling being around each other. How we both wanted to spend every night together, regardless if Jillian made you leave because you were snoring. You forget how we always got along no matter what. You forget how I fit perfectly in you arms. You forget how we had fun no matter what we were doing. You forget about our lottery ticket tradition for every paycheck. You forget how you cried as I drove away. You forget. You just forget. You are making new memories with your friends and the ones from florida just seem to fade away. But, I promise, I will never ever forget a single thing about you or any of the great times we had. I know it would be way different if we were closer, but we aren’t. I know I could wait forever for you. But, I know you will meet a lot of girls who are closer and would love to be with you.
And this is what I will always miss:
I miss laying in bed next to you and cuddling. I miss taking shots and going to the pool. I miss your adorable smile. I miss how you used to text me all day long and send me pictures. I miss you driving me around in my car. I miss scratching off lottery tickets even when we lost. I miss the sweet notes you used to write for me. I miss looking forward to seeing you when I woke up or got off work everyday. I miss being able to kiss you whenever I wanted. I miss Jillian getting mad at us for no reason. I miss beating you in speed. I miss going to the tiki hut on our off time and pretending like we were on vacation and had just met. I miss saying your name a hundred times a day just because. I miss eating your chef Boyardee with your hot sauce and cheese. I miss getting drunk with you and having a blast. I miss our St. Augustine trips. I even miss your snoring. I miss your smile. I miss taking a...