Stuff and Things

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Seth Hendrixson
10/4/12

Writing Assignment 6.12

Five weaknesses of the letter:

1. When writing you should limit your long lead in sentences. Here is an example of a long lead in sentence from the letter:

“To ensure the improvement of your after-hours security, you should initially make a decision with regard to exactly what you contemplate must have protection.”

You could re-write the sentence to say: “To improve your after-hours security, you must decide what needs to be protected.”

2. You should eliminate flabby expressions like the ones used in this sentence:

“Due to the fact that we feel you will want to obtain protection for both your equipment and data, we will make suggestions for taking a number of judicious steps to inhibit crime.”

The sentence starts with “Due to the fact” this is a flabby expression and can be re-written as “because” and the sentence will begin with more clarity.

3. When writing sometimes people try to use words to make their message sound more “businesslike”. You avoid using trite business phrases like the ones used in the following sentence:

“As per your request, the undersigned is transmitting to you the attached documents with regards to the improvement of security in your business.”

Instead of saying “as per your request” you can re-write the opening of that sentence by simply “as you request” in its place. This makes the sentence easier to understand.

4. Another important thing to remember when writing is to reject the use of redundancies. The following sentence is an example of using redundancies:

“My last and final recommendation, you should install space alarms, which are sensors that look down over the areas that are to receive protection, and activate bells or additional lights, thus scaring of intruders.”

The use of the words, “last and final” is redundant because they mean the same thing. You should re-write the sentence using just one of the words and it would...
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