Name of reviewer: Muhammad Syahmi b. Mohd. Adnan
Name of writer: Justin Dennycle Bernabas
1. Read trough the paper to get general information. Number each paragraph for easy reference when you edit. 2. Was the writer writing for you to you?() yes() no 3. Did the paper touch your heart?() yes() no
4. In what way?
The way he describe the feeling that he had when he called his father and made apologize to him. The author was crying and I can really feel that he really meant it. 5. What is the main idea/thesis statement of the essay?
The main idea of the essay is to tell the readers on how the experiences that he had faced change his personality and made him rally fully changed and became a new person.
6. Does the introduction capture your attention and make you want to read it on? () yes() no
It was too dreggy and people easily get bored.
7. Which part of the paper did you like the best? In which paragraph? Last paragraph, 17, when he called his father and apologize.
8. Mark (*) at places where you feel the writer seemed to jump for one idea to another suddenly. Suggest improvements.
9. Which of the five senses does the writer use in describing his or her personal experience? Was the description vivid/clear? Touch. The descriptions were clear when his father spanked him with the leather belt. If the writer’s mom was not there, we would not know what will going to happen.
10. Were there any unnecessary/irrelevant phrases/ideas/sentences? Put [ ] around them.
11. Does the paper feel complete? () yes() no
12. Does the writer state the significance of his/her experience? () yes() no
13. Did the conclusion “round it off”?() yes() no 14. Give two suggestions to improve the paper?
* The writer should restructure back the essay.
* Have to cut all unnecessary events.