Should Immigration Proposed Take Place

Topics: Comma splice, High school, Writing Pages: 6 (1718 words) Published: April 25, 2013
Smarthinking's E-structor Response Form

(Your marked-up essay is below this form.)
HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper! Hi, Blanca! My name is Ayette F., and I’ll be your tutor for this session.

*Strengths of the essay:
Blanca, you have effectively relayed the differences between college and high school, which will leave none of your readers uninformed of the topic of your discussion. The second reason why college is more preferable is because it requires more responsibility from the student.

Good job! However, we need to take a look at the content and the organization of your writing, and the application of grammar and mechanics. Let’s start!  
Content Development:
Blanca, I believe that there is still much room for improvement in the content of your composition as you work on further establishing its logical appeal. Remember that any statement, be it presented orally or in writing, must be backed up by logical evidence, which may come in the form of: * facts

* examples
* statistics
* expert testimony
* narrative stories or anecdotes from people with firsthand experience regarding the issue

Doing so will strengthen the credibility of your claims, which in turn will persuade your readers even more. Let’s take a look at a part of your essay: Maturity in college is an extreme matter.

Although you have raised a good point of information here, how can your readers be sure that such contention is true? What logical evidence can you give in support to this? How can you say that “maturity in college is an extreme matter”? Where did you get this information? What particular situation can you cite as an example of such circumstance? These are just some questions that you can ask yourself as you provide your paper with a logical appeal. Once you have incorporated your answers to the ideas you already have, I am sure that you will be on your way to further strengthening and developing the content of your essay.

Now how might you improve on the content of your paper by using logical evidence? You can also check out SMARTHINKING’s online handbook section on Exposition: Explaining Why, which may provide further guidance in this area.

*Blanca 5330145 has requested that you respond to the Organization: Another concern that I have with your composition, Blanca, is the way you abruptly go from one thought to the next. Consider the following excerpt taken from your essay: A good education is an important part of one’s life. College demands greater responsibility than high school. Since college is more challenging and is more demanding, it increases independence, responsibility, and maturity.

Remember that any piece of writing must observe coherence. This refers to the smooth flow of ideas in a composition. Even though you tackled a number of different points, the coherence among these points must still be present. In order to maintain coherence you may make use of a number of techniques that will link your thoughts together, one of which is by referring back to the preceding idea/s. Consider this example: It is no surprise that a good number of research has been devoted to investigating the different means through which literacy among learners is further enhanced. The macro skill of reading, specifically, continues to be of great interest as it is considered paramount in acquiring higher literacy levels. Studies on the reading process have revealed several factors that influence its success, and among those deemed most prominent is motivation.

Notice that even though there are several points of information raised in the paragraph, coherence is still observed through the effective establishment of connection among them. The writer moves from literacy to...
Continue Reading

Please join StudyMode to read the full document

You May Also Find These Documents Helpful

  • Should America Encourage Immigration? Essay
  • Should Immigration Be Limited? Essay
  • Should Doctors Take Gifts Essay
  • Learning Takes Place Not Only in Classroom Essay
  • should fathers take paternity leave Research Paper
  • immigrations Essay
  • Essay on Immigration
  • Should Our Immigration Laws Be Changed? Essay

Become a StudyMode Member

Sign Up - It's Free