* Being in the box
* See matters only from own closed perspective
* Resistant to suggestion that the truth was otherwise * No matter what we’re doing on the outside, pp respond primarily to how we’re feeling about them on the inside * Pp primarily responds not to what we do but to how we’re being, whether we’re in or out of the box. * I sat there blaming others, while she seemed not to have blamed, but to have understood * Big problem – Self-deceived – in the box
* Somehow I was entitled or superior, while they were more objects to me than pp * Their needs and desires were secondary + less legitimate than mine * My view of myself + others – distorted from what we agreed as reality * If I’m not interested in knowing a person’s name, I’m probably not interested in the person as a person I’m willing even to try to remember someone’s name * Question: Were you in the box or out of the box when you did it? * Being dressed down demotivating depressing
* The distinction is not behavior, but the way I’m being when I’m doing it – be it soft or hard * Something deeper than behavior that determines our influence on others * It isn’t about being perfect, but simply about getting better, in systematic and improving the bottom line. * Self-betrayal – my perception once I betray myself
1. An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another person 2. I begin to see the world in a way that justified my self-betrayal 3. My view of reality becomes distorted
4. I enter the box become self-deceived inflate opponent’s fault inflate own virtue blame feel irritated/ angry 5. Overtime, certain boxes become characteristic of me 6. In the box, we provoke others to be in the box, too. 7. In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment & obtain justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box. * Before self-betrayal, I...