Satirical Essay

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Recently, cigarettes have been getting a bad rap. No one seems to understand that the real problem at hand is not the negative effects of smoking cigarettes, but those who abstain from smoking cigarettes. These people are nothing but a nuisance, a lousy bunch of no-gooders that just want to ruin your fun. In fact, smoking cigarettes is an activity that the entire population can benefit from. The world relies on the production and consumption of tobacco, and there are many positives of smoking that outweigh the negatives. For example, smokers dedicate a large portion of their life buying packs upon packs of cigarettes, which in turn gives a huge profit to the country. Surely if you consider yourself a patriot, you would take up smoking cigarettes. These non-smokers are the exact opposite, and will remind you of the risks of cancer and other diseases from smoking; but no one truly wants to live forever, and if you smoke, you won’t have to. You will also most likely notice how unpopular and unattractive these non-smokers are compared to those who smoke. It’s a well known fact that smoking makes people look better, as it gives people a rebellious, non-conformist persona. So, taking everything into account, you should smoke because it increases the wealth of the economy, it helps end an otherwise meaningless life, and you’ll look cool doing it.

Everyone knows that it’s a great thing to participate in the economy. The tobacco industry and all of its related products are a billion dollar enterprise, and if it were to fall, it would take a huge blow to the already poor economy. However, what keeps this dire part of the economy alive is the dedication of thousands of smokers. Party poopers that have raised awareness against the evils of cigarette smoking have dwindled the faithful smoking community, not knowing that their addictions keep the country alive and well. They also ruin the lives of those that have jobs in the various...
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