Satire: High School Students

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Satire
How to Succeed in School

Being a high school student with a fair amount of experience and observation in the field of achieving good grades with minimal effort, I should like to bestow upon current and future high school students some advice that may lead to their success. Before doing so, I would like to make clear that I do not necessarily endorse these methods. It is just observed that the application of these methods is shown to have worked with some of the most highly ranked high school students, the “elite,” and here’s how they do it, and how you can too.

Always wait until the last minute. This may seem counterintuitive, as teachers and parents are always telling students to not procrastinate. However, procrastination is what drives a student to success. Procrastination gives a student the drive to finish that assignment or project that was assigned weeks ago and is due tomorrow. As time boils down, a student’s senses become sharper, allowing them to focus on the task at hand. How can one not enjoy the excitement of completing a project in the nick of time, or the pride felt when they have bested their friends in a competition of who can survive with the least amount of sleep?

This brings me to my second piece of advice: sleep in school. High school life is extremely busy. Students must balance schoolwork, homework, recreation, sleep, and a social life. Since, logically, recreation can only be done outside of school, homework must be done at home, and a social life must include elements outside of school, schoolwork and sleep should be done in school. Students already spend a good eight hours in school. Then afterwards, they must complete hours of homework at home. Therefore, it is only logical that students use some school time to catch up on sleep, as they must be rejuvenated in order to deal with the massive amount of homework awaiting them after school.

Study at the last minute as well. Teachers say that students should study a...
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