Satire: High School Students

Satire
How to Succeed in School

Being a high school student with a fair amount of experience and observation in the field of achieving good grades with minimal effort, I should like to bestow upon current and future high school students some advice that may lead to their success. Before doing so, I would like to make clear that I do not necessarily endorse these methods. It is just observed that the application of these methods is shown to have worked with some of the most highly ranked high school students, the “elite,” and here’s how they do it, and how you can too.

Always wait until the last minute. This may seem counterintuitive, as teachers and parents are always telling students to not procrastinate. However, procrastination is what drives a student to success. Procrastination gives a student the drive to finish that assignment or project that was assigned weeks ago and is due tomorrow. As time boils down, a student’s senses become sharper, allowing them to focus on the task at hand. How can one not enjoy the excitement of completing a project in the nick of time, or the pride felt when they have bested their friends in a competition of who can survive with the least amount of sleep?

This brings me to my second piece of advice: sleep in school. High school life is extremely busy. Students must balance schoolwork, homework, recreation, sleep, and a social life. Since, logically, recreation can only be done outside of school, homework must be done at home, and a social life must include elements outside of school, schoolwork and sleep should be done in school. Students already spend a good eight hours in school. Then afterwards, they must complete hours of homework at home. Therefore, it is only logical that students use some school time to catch up on sleep, as they must be rejuvenated in order to deal with the massive amount of homework awaiting them after school.

Study at the last minute as well. Teachers say that students should study a little every day. However, that does not help. By the time of the test, one will already have forgotten what they have learned in the beginning of the unit. Instead, if a student were to study everything last minute, they would remember it all for the test because they have just looked at it. You should study the day before, and preferably, on the day of the test to obtain maximum scores.

Pay attention in class. That means, get ready for the teacher to call on you at any minute. It is important to always know what is going on to avoid looking like a fool and getting yelled at. When the teacher is not paying attention to the class, feel free to doze off.

You must learn to multitask. Multitasking will help you get a lot more done and make your life easier. A skilled high schooler can do homework, listen to their iPod, watch T.V, eat, and talk on the phone all at the same time. This maximizes productivity and efficiency, giving you time to do other, more important things, like hanging out or playing video games.

Lastly, you must remember that play is greater than work. Play first, and work later. Why, you ask? Well, the fun you have now will release anxiety and stress over the work that you have to do in the future. After all the fun and games, your mind will enter the “oh crap, I have to finish that project” state. This state of mind will help you keep focus as the deadline looms closer, and maximizes productivity and efficiency as well because you are working your hardest to finish.

So there it is. I present to you six pieces of wisdom coming straight from my personal observation of those at the top. Follow my advice, and you will soon find out how much effort is required of those who aspire to be the best.