The Rules of Being in a Sorority
I am the sorority President of thy Executive Board, which decides who is fabulous enough to be accepted into our sisterhood family.
Thou shalt have none other idols before me.
Thou shalt always refer to the President of thy Executive Board as Princess.
Thou shalt not ever disgrace thy sorority’s name; thou should always look presentable and resemble a plastic Barbie doll. Thou shalt be approved for a sorority checking account. The account must contain a balance minimum of $15,000 at all times. A $2000 deductable will be taken out monthly for the profit of myself. Thou shalt live with other sorority sisters in thy sorority house. Thou shalt maintain a G.P.A bare minimum of 3.5; no lower!
Thou shalt be awake and have beds made by 5:00 A.M.
Thou shalt participate in preparing breakfast daily each morning with thy other sisters. Thou shalt be ready by 6:00 A.M for daily 4-mile jog with thy other sisters. Thou shalt not eat over 2,000 calories a day.
Thou shalt not exceed the maximum weight of 150 pounds; I do not care how tall thee is. Only skinny sisters allowed! Thou shalt not share clothes with other sisters. Sharing is not caring, get your own style and wardrobe! Thou shalt go shopping weekly and purchase a minimum of $500 to update thy wardrobe; our sorority sisters must always look the most fabulous wherever we go! Thou shalt always wear pink on Wednesdays.
Thou shalt not clap, but only snap thy fingers for appreciation. Thou shalt date only fraternity men.
Thou shalt wait three weeks after a sister’s breakup to date thy sister’s ex boyfriend. Thou shalt attend every social party the sorority hosts; and every sister meeting Tuesday nights in the living room. Thou shalt all use teeth whitening products; thy smile shalt not ever be white enough!
Thou shalt never swear or cry in public; thee will come off as tacky.
Thou shalt always represent thy sorority on thy wardrobe.