Revising an Essay

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Revising an Essay

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Revising an Essay
UOP COM/155
12/16/12

Analyze the feedback
After reviewing my three feedback resources write point, plagiarism checker, and instructors comments I have located the necessary changes need to be made, in order to produce a college level essay. The first and foremost change that needs to be made is to develop a clear thesis statement or a preview statement. The thesis statement I have sheds some light on my topic but should let me reader know exactly what the topic is about. Secondly after reviewing the plagiarism checker I realized I have no outside sources to validate my feelings on my essays subject. I think in order to enhance my paper it would be appropriate to add a citation or a statistic. After reviewing my instructor’s comments and write point I realize my transitions and grammar are weak in some areas and I need to elaborate more on my supporting details. Granted my main concepts were well thought and spelling was up to par. If I adjust these few areas in my essay and remember to use proper grammar, I will produce a good and sound full essay.

Now that we have reviewed the feedback it is time to implement and add the necessary changes. The main focus would be to strengthen my thesis at this point. It is weak and unclear. My essay would benefit from brainstorming a stronger more direct thesis in order to enhance my introduction. The next phase would be my supporting details, by outsource for statics and credible information validating my supporting points I will make them more credible, thus creating a better impact on my reader. Finding evidence that supports my opinions will show my readers this essay is backed up and not written based of just my opinion alone. Next I would focus on my flow and coherency. I already have strong and informative information but if the reader becomes confused because my paper is choppy than it will do no good. By smoothing out my transitions and grammar my paper will flow smoothly. After all the changes I will polish my paper by checking all grammar and formatting in write point. After that my paper will be ready for submission.

Write Point Feedback:

When I look at my phone I see over two hundred text messages as opposed to a call history of two missed calls, one received and no out going [Check spelling--outgoing is one word] calls. These days, mobile phone has become popular. From a teen age girl in high school to an old man in a retirement home, everyone uses mobile to communicate with his or her friends. When texting first came out the younger generation cramped their fingers with the nonstop texting from all hours and corners of the world. As time has progressed even an older generation has become more familiar with texting.

Texting has become more popular than calling. There are a lot of [Only commercial shipments and real estate are measured in lots. To use "a lot of" to mean "many," "much," or "a large amount" is a colloquialism (not universally clear). Use another term.] reasons why [Writing suggestion--remove "why" or "for why"] people are using more texts messaging instead of calling. Some people still think that calling is a better way to communicate and [Grammar: A run-on sentence requires a comma before "and" (or other conjunction) linking main clauses] some believe texting is superior. This is a controversial topic that you can decide upon yourself. Which way of communication is more effective: the fastest and most efficient, the one that expresses your emotions well, or the one that teaches you social skills? [Writing suggestion: Unless in a quote or a title, avoid rhetorical questions in academic writing. A good idea is to provide answers, not questions]...
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