February 26, 2012
LET ME FIND MY OWN HUSBAND
Should your family and cultural background determine who you love? How about who you marry? Sarita James is a South Indian young woman who wrote a personal narrative titled “ LET ME FIND MY OWN HUSBAND’’. In this story she recounts the pressures placed on her by her family to find a “suitable boy” for marriage.
“Suitable boy” states Sarita is a term used by Indian families to describe a strong family candidate- someone who comes from the right religion, region, community, and family background. Within my circle of American born-cousins, however, we used the term to tease each other about our parents’ marriage schemes.
Arranged marriage is not a romantic ideal. I feel a person’s background or upbringing should not have such a profound effect on whether or not this person is compatible for you. How can you marry someone solely on the basis that they go to the same church as you? Or are members of the same country club?
In addition, Sarita says,” our family is both Indian and Catholic. Which was a rarity anywhere and yet I did not want to marry him. I found him to be boring and close minded-he read very little, and claimed he could never have a gay friend. He also did not see why Indian wedding dowries were problematic. I felt my family’s quiet pressure in his presence. I questioned his perennial attendance at our gatherings. “Do you think we could have just the family visit for Thanksgiving this year?” I asked my mother after two years of his visits. Sarita‘s mother would say, “But he’s a bachelor “she would say. “It’s our duty to host him”. After that he came again.
Most of the time in regard to marriage, our concepts are of “romantic love”. I feel how he can really love you if your family has to pay his family for him to marry you! I don’t think you should marry someone you barely know. How do you commit...