This paper will try to explain how there is a correlation between different parenting styles, different types of attachment and the different types of loving relationships -all according to different psychologists an their theories. It will try a prove it through interviews of two different cases, a person who has had a less fortunate childhood and a divorced marriage and a person who had a great childhood and a happy marriage. It will relate the two interviews back to the different theories and compare the results. It will also explore some aspects of the different theories -Baumrid's different parenting styles, Bowlby and Ainsworth's attachment theory, and Sternberg's theory of love.
What is love? A broad question with many countless aspects pertaining to it. According to Merriam-Websters Dictionary love is the “warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion” felt by one person towards another. Attachment has always played a big part in love; but have you ever wondered how past attachments growing up can have an effect on your current attachments? I have always been very interested in the effects of attachment on relationships. Not only that, but how parenting styles can also affect them. This paper will try to figure out if there is a correlation between past experiences in attachment and parenting with current relationships.
What exactly is a loving relationship? To explain, it is said to have different stages and types, as stated by Psychologist Robert Sternberg’s theory of love. He described it as based on three different scales -intimacy, passion, and commitment. It is said that relationships based on a single element pertaining to the three are less likely to survive compared to a relationship based on two or more ("Triangular theory of love”). My hypothesis is that the environment a child lives in affects his/her future relationships in accordance to the different parenting styles, identified by psychologist Diana Baumrind, which may have an effect on attachment which leads to the different attachment styles, based on the attachment theory proposed by psychologists Bowlby and Ainsworth, having an effect on the three different aspects of a loving relationship. I believe that there is a correlation between the three. If a child is in an environment in which there is a better and more understanding parent, this will give the child a better attachment towards their parents and others, which in turn should lead to a better loving relationship, and vice versa. To prove my claim, I have interviewed two people, one in a long time marriage and the other divorced.
I interviewed two of my parent's close friends, whom I have only seen often and never communicated with until I interviewed them in person on their visit to our home. One is a 44 year old Filipino male, named J. De Leon, who has four children and has been divorced for about 6 years now. The other is a 76 year old Italian male, named N. Bonsignore, who has been married for over 50 years and has 3 children. It was a rather enlightening experience talking about their past growing up, their childhood and the different relationships they have with others, such as marriage and divorce. It was great learning from two completely different experiences and trying to understand the information and how the different theories can relate to them.
My first interview was with the 44 year old Filipino male. He told me that growing up for him was tough. He lived in a household with divorced parents who were never there for him due to work and other activities. He always had rivalry with his siblings and misunderstandings and arguments with his parents. As he was growing up, his friends came and went, relationships never worked out and his marriage came to an end. I asked him, if he was comfortable talking about it, why his marriage failed, he says that the reason for the divorce was “falling out of love or I think there was no love to start with just infatuation on...
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