Reflexivity as it Relates to Me
Reflexivity as it Relates to Me
Reflexivity as said by Timmins is “Critical reflexivity informs critical action and analysis, and contributes to the overall understanding of a situation” (Timmins, 2006, p.53). There are many events and experiences that I would like to think about reflexively but I think the one that sticks out in my mind the most was my relationship with Joe*, and how bad it ended. Although the relationship did end, there were a lot of things that I learned from it. I guess I really should have known from the start that things were not going to go smoothly. The only reason I had this feeling is because I often feel like I have a sixth sense about guys and the situations I seem to get myself in. The purpose of this paper is to analyze this experience reflexively and apply concepts learned this semester to it.
Written Analysis: Reflexivity of an Experience
It all started on a chat line that was provided by MSN in 2003. I had just moved to BC not too long before the chatting started, and was feeling really lonely, especially living on Salt Spring. Since I did not grow up there I did not have a friend base and had to rely on the internet for entertainment for the time being. So I started talking to some random people and one of them was Joe, a 21 year old 6’4 red head guy, never thought I would like a red headed guy but I did. He was so charming and really nice, and soon the talking on the computer turned into talking on the phone. The only problem was that he lived in Delta. This would mean that one of us would have to commute if we were to start a relationship, and since he did not have a driver’s licence that someone would be me.
After a few months of commuting we decided that it would be for the best if I moved to Vancouver and live there with him. My move was to happen at the end of February, as I had to give notice at my current employer and find a new one in Delta. The first sign that there would be trouble in our relationship was a couple of weekends before I moved to Delta. It was Valentine’s Day and we were getting ready to go out for dinner when the phone rang. It happened to be his “friend” who was having trouble in her relationship, and she was upset that he could not stay and talk to her. I got really upset that he was talking to another girl on Valentine’s Day, not because I was jealous, but because it was our holiday and we ended up being late for our reservations at the restaurant. All was forgiven mostly because I do not seem to have a back bone when it comes to relationships so I just let it slide.
This definitely ended up coming back to bite me big time, because a five months down the road I happened to read a conversation he had with the same “friend” and the conversation sounded nothing like it would if he had a girlfriend. The “friend” was not even aware that a girlfriend existed at the time, almost a year into our relationship. I confronted him and also sent her a message telling her that he has a girlfriend who would appreciate that they stopped talking like they did. He did not deny anything instead he apologized and acted like prince charming for the next couple of months. I feel that my biggest mistake happened at this time for even giving him another chance, especially since my trust had been broken so badly. The fool in love that I was again I gave him a chance and ended up getting burned for it.
Three months after that incident my mom offered to take me back to Yugoslavia for a visit to my grandparents whom I had not seen since 1995. I was more than excited and thought that things were going good between Joe and me. Again I could not have been more wrong. From this relationship I learned that not only am I a door mat for people to wipe off their dirty feet but also someone who can be lied to over and over again because I would keep giving chances. Since we were coming back on Wednesday I had decided...
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