Re-Discovering Myself

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Discovering Myself After I Thought I Already Had…
When I was about twelve years old I began to really come into myself. That’s about the time I realized that my mom was my best friend, and someone I could approach with anything, instead of viewing her as just a parental figure whose only mission in life was to tell me what to do. Her and I bonded and talked about everything and anything; we had no boundaries. I know that if it weren’t for that turn of events, I would not be who I am right now. I’ve always been sure of my opinions and of my decisions, so I’ve always been very comfortable opening up to people, but I didn’t come into my own until I came to high school. All of a sudden I was thrown into a whole new experience. I joined the drama club and met the most amazing people I have ever, and most likely will ever meet in my life. I began to feel more comfortable with myself, and began to open up. By second semester I began dating Brett… I was crazy about him. He was charming, and acted as if I held the key to his world. I always felt so special around him. His family welcomed me into their family immediately. We spent two years and nine months together, the first 2 years and six months or so were complete bliss. I felt like I had everything figured out. I knew who I was; I was Brett’s girlfriend, a good friend and a singer. I knew that I wanted to go to college with Brett, move in, get married, and have a white picket fence with a hobby farm and three kids. I thought I knew myself and that I was done for the most part. I was ready to settle into my life and grow up… I was wrong. Our last few months together occurred during my first couple months of my senior year. He went off to college and embraced it, as he deserved to do. I stayed behind and began my senior year. I was uncomfortable because I felt alone. Most of my friends had graduated along with Brett. I had friends in my grade but for the most part I knew that for the past three years no one knew me as Nadine, the great friend, or the singer, they knew me as the girl dating Brett. They knew me as the quiet girl that had been dating that one guy for forever. Once I was alone, I began to realize that maybe that was how I viewed myself too. I realized that maybe I had made Brett’s and my relationship too much of my identity. I began thinking and I realized that there was still so much more to me, and that I wanted everyone to see it. During the two months I spent in school alone, I noticed how easily I got along with everyone, and that I could hold my own. I started to realize what I wanted for myself instead of what I wanted for us, and I realized some scary things. I realized that I wanted new experiences… and that over the last few months somewhere along the way I had fallen out of love and moved on. I realized that I had merely been comfortable so I over looked all the screaming and fighting he and I did. I wanted my picket fence dream to come true so desperately that now, looking back I realize that I had simply put up blinders and focused on the little good we had left... On top of all that, certain events occurred with his family that pushed me to make a decision faster during the last couple months but, none the less, I broke things off and decided that it was up to me to make myself happy, and that I deserved to live my life for me. It was such a strange realization to have. I knew months before we broke up that I was going to break up with him. I had tried a few times before, but every time he’d get so upset that it would scare me so I’d take it back all the while I had moved on or was moving on. By the time we broke up I was fine. I was hurt because he was upset, but in my heart and in my head our relationship was over two months before it actually was, when his family turned on me as he watched… I thought that once we broke up my stress would be gone, and for the most part it was, I felt so much better, but there was still one thing left. Over the last...
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