You said that you think people are born with their destinies set. To a degree, maybe, but I also believe that when we are born, in front of each of us lies a series of projects...projects we can choose, or choose not to undertake. In choosing not to work through these, we seal our fate—we live our destiny. In choosing, however, to face and complete the projects, we open doors—not only for ourselves, but for others who will follow.
Some of this work is universal—learning to love, for example; finding our Source, and therefore our connectedness to all things; taking responsibility for ourselves and our perception and experience of the world around us...these are the first steps, and ongoing, for all who wish to find happiness and live life to it’s fullest.
Other work, however, is individual—it is laid out with our names carved throughout, begging for our very personal attention. For some, this might require facing pain in its most extreme sense...others will fight to find humility and peace. Many will be caretakers of those who cannot care for themselves. Some will bring greater joy to the world by sharing an innate sense of what the majority find entertaining. Sometimes we will be aware of the projects in which we have agreed to be active, other times, we simply find ourselves working, often unable to define what we are doing or where we are.
Reactive, distractible, independent—my current project, of which I am well aware, is to find balance...to consider, while not taking responsibility for any one else’s feelings as I react; to learn to engage without running to extremes...
And so I met you. Balanced, successful, consistent, perceptive...you, in simply being and sharing your presence, bring me face to face with my self. You take things personally, when you shouldn’t, yet therefore making me more aware of my lack of awareness of another’s feelings and entirely separate perception of life. Your giving and protecting nature forces me to encounter and dissemble the walls I have constructed against receiving love...your anger over some of my most benign and un-thought actions makes me understand where my responsibility for another’s happiness ends as I accept my right to be imperfect and still maintain and fight for my place.
I want this relationship...but I’m fighting myself because of it. You will change me, but not because you want to, even if you do. Giving love comes easy to me, receiving it is something entirely new...and I’m not good at validating another persons efforts to share their happiness. Let me learn how to be with you...don’t assume anything about what I feel based on what I say, unless you can allow me the time to answer specifically. Life has challenged me to be independent...but suddenly I find in front of me someone who wants to be by my side...and I don’t know how to let you stay, although I want you here. Believe that, even if you don’t feel it at times. Feel free to question me, but don’t accuse, because my defenses were built over time through pressure and accusation and are too strong so they cannot be broken with force. I will never be someone you can come home to...I’ll never be the perfect woman for you unless you allow me the freedom to be imperfect. But I will love you, if you will let me...and I will be with you, to the extent that I have the opportunity.
I am a real person. I take my projects seriously. I understand that I still have a lot of work to do...but I know what love is, I’ve met my Source, and I will always take responsibility for myself and my experience of life. I don’t give up on anything too easily...but I am determined to be happy and to share it. I won’t let anyone else get in the way, but I will share the best of everything I’ve found. I want to be with you...believe it first, and you’ll find out. Free Spirit
This feeling, I should hold it, knowing that it’s only the feeling of being understood...but knowing, too, that the understanding comes...