Protection and Prevention Strategies in Sports 
Luc Brubaker
Professor Kozak
English 110
Third Argumentative Draft
20 November 2012
My intended audience for this essay, is professional sports league commissioners that think they have done enough to keep the game safe. Concussions have continued to affect professional athletes, meaning there needs to be something done to better protect them. My purpose is to get professional sport leagues to alter the equipment used in the sport and change some of the rules used in the sport, to better protect the athletes. My message is that there have been many instances where concussions have led to brain damage and in some cases, suicide, which shows that these continuous concussions need to stop. My biggest struggle with this essay was finding credible sources because the information that was presented ranged from significant to opinion based, wether it was a doctor writing about his studies, or a football fan writing on his blog. I felt that I did a good job providing certain examples backing up my argument, such as the anecdote about Junior Seau and the paragraph about the other players who also committed suicide. Are my counter arguments realistic? Does the point-counterpoint format work well with my essay or should I put the counter-arguments at the end? Does my conclusion leave the reader thinking? Does my conclusion convince the reader to agree with me?
To Protect or Not Protect: The Changes Needed to Make Professional Sports Safe Concussions don’t just have one degree, they can range in severity, some being not as serious, while others being life threatening. Athletes can be held out of their sport for weeks, months, or even years at a time because of concussions. For example, Sidney Crosby, a hockey player for the Pittsburg Penguins, had to sit out for an entire year because he was diagnosed with a concussion during one of his games. All it took was one hit and Crosby’s career was suspended and almost in jeopardy. His concussion was very severe, causing
Professor Kozak
English 110
Third Argumentative Draft
20 November 2012
My intended audience for this essay, is professional sports league commissioners that think they have done enough to keep the game safe. Concussions have continued to affect professional athletes, meaning there needs to be something done to better protect them. My purpose is to get professional sport leagues to alter the equipment used in the sport and change some of the rules used in the sport, to better protect the athletes. My message is that there have been many instances where concussions have led to brain damage and in some cases, suicide, which shows that these continuous concussions need to stop. My biggest struggle with this essay was finding credible sources because the information that was presented ranged from significant to opinion based, wether it was a doctor writing about his studies, or a football fan writing on his blog. I felt that I did a good job providing certain examples backing up my argument, such as the anecdote about Junior Seau and the paragraph about the other players who also committed suicide. Are my counter arguments realistic? Does the point-counterpoint format work well with my essay or should I put the counter-arguments at the end? Does my conclusion leave the reader thinking? Does my conclusion convince the reader to agree with me?
To Protect or Not Protect: The Changes Needed to Make Professional Sports Safe Concussions don’t just have one degree, they can range in severity, some being not as serious, while others being life threatening. Athletes can be held out of their sport for weeks, months, or even years at a time because of concussions. For example, Sidney Crosby, a hockey player for the Pittsburg Penguins, had to sit out for an entire year because he was diagnosed with a concussion during one of his games. All it took was one hit and Crosby’s career was suspended and almost in jeopardy. His concussion was very severe, causing