It has come to my attention that far to many people in this country do not know the intricacies of writing a process essay. In order to better help my fellow man I present the following steps on essay writing boiled down into a list so that it may be easily understood by all. Following these steps is guaranteed to award you with a successful paper. 1. Get a sheet of paper. It is all important that you use paper for this step; a sheet of paper seems to call forth the muse for reasons not understood by modern science. 2. Sit at a desk with the paper on it. This is a crucial step, for it is here that the creative art of doodling occurs. 3. Start feeling guilty for wasting so much time. At this step it is suggested to beg the muse to intercede on your behalf so that you may achieve an acceptable grade on your paper. 4. Hum. Playing music is also considered acceptable.
5. Begin tearing pieces of the paper off and put them in your mouth. Chew. Swallow if necessary. This is also an excellent source of fiber. 6. Now that you are ready to write your first draft, turn on your computer and randomly surf the internet looking for inspiration. 7. Remember that you've done no research. Panic, and begin looking for something to break down for the essay. 8. Relax. The professor has already given you a list of pre-assigned topics 9. Choose one of the assigned topics and begin to brainstorm. 10. Write out all your thoughts on the handy outline form the teacher has so kindly provided. 11. Begin to write a rough draft on the selected topic.
12. Realize that you’ve only written 300 words of the required 500. 13. Panic once again as you try to come up with a rewrite for extra length 14. Successfully add length.
15. Use Spell Check. This step is a must for all who have any grammar and/or spelling issues. 16. Read your paper and check for any obvious errors.
17. Print out your paper.
18. Panic when the printer shows it is out...