Planes

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To my perpetual knowledge, nobody has ever succeeded when challenging the onboard facilities and staff of an Aeroplane. The only possible reason for this is that David Cameroon assassinates anyone who even thinks about with a toothpick, I found out the hard way... Aeroplanes, from a distance, look like beautiful, massive and inviting, winged creatures, inside? They are far from it. Aeroplane architects spend so much time on the outer decor of the plane; they hardly remember there’s an inside as well! If the plane is colourful and has big ‘jets’ then I guess nothing else matters, Right? Right? Wrong!

Let’s start off with the exquisite, elegant and engaging stewardesses who for some reason feel it’s necessary to give me directions to my seat. I managed to put my trousers on and dress myself accordingly this morning but I need some stranger to continuously shout random letters and numbers at me. B29? STRAIGHT! G16? STRAIGHT! Dwelling more into the predicament of Stewardesses, one thing I hate about them is the fact that they always smile. They come into work smiling, and even after a hard day’s work, they leave smiling... So to prove this little theory of mine I decided to do an ingenious, harebrained experiment, want to hear it? No? Ok here it is...

About a month ago I was on a trip to Hawaii with my Mother-In-Law, when I decided to stand up from my seat (whilst the seat belt sign was flashing, yes ... I know, rebellious I Am.) and slap a rather elderly stewardess across the face...She took a moment to respond and for a second I thought my theory had faltered, however as soon as that thought started to creep into my mind, the Stewardess pounced up and started smiling at me. I am now going to take a moment to say that *nobody male/female or leopard was harmed in this experiment.*

Ok, I think it’s time for a break from Stewardesses, just the word rocks a shiver down my spine. Another reason as to why I despise the onboard facilities/people of an Aeroplane...
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