Personal Essay
Is my title and introduction enticing? Yes my title and introduction is enticing.
Is my thesis effective? Yes, my thesis is effective.
Have I included enough details so the reader can visualize my experience? Yes the reader can visualize my experience.
Are the events presented in a logical sequence? I have presented the events in chronological order.
Have I used transitions to help the sequence of events flow smoothly? yes
Have I used dialogue (if appropriate)? Yes I used dialogue.
Have I used a consistent point of view and verb tense? Yes I have.
Is the point of my narrative evident? I do believe so.
Have I ended the story satisfactorily? Yes
Have I proofread thoroughly? Yes.
Helpless
Today I am writing about an event that I hope to never experience again. It was the only time in my 21 years that I had ever felt like this. This is the story of the day I truly felt helpless.
It was a day that started like any other. I got up shaved, showered and got dressed while checking my email and chatting with my wife. Granted getting dressed included strapping a pistol to my leg and my wife was half the world away, it was normal for me in Iraq. After that me and my roommate went to the dining facility for a bite to eat with the rest of our squad. Then it was off to the trucks for mission prep. My teammate Hotard and I got the .50 cal mounted, radio frequencies loaded and checked, fuel level topped off, and replaced any ammo or supplies we were low on. After that it was off to pre-mission briefing. When the briefing started I got my first uneasy feeling, I had been pulled from the gun (which I had manned for the previous 4 months) and placed in the drivers slot. I have to add I hate driving, regardless if it was here in the states or overseas, I can’t stand to drive. But I didn’t argue because I am a soldier and soldiers follow orders. After the usual briefing on route, call signs, radio frequencies, and what threats were
Is my thesis effective? Yes, my thesis is effective.
Have I included enough details so the reader can visualize my experience? Yes the reader can visualize my experience.
Are the events presented in a logical sequence? I have presented the events in chronological order.
Have I used transitions to help the sequence of events flow smoothly? yes
Have I used dialogue (if appropriate)? Yes I used dialogue.
Have I used a consistent point of view and verb tense? Yes I have.
Is the point of my narrative evident? I do believe so.
Have I ended the story satisfactorily? Yes
Have I proofread thoroughly? Yes.
Helpless
Today I am writing about an event that I hope to never experience again. It was the only time in my 21 years that I had ever felt like this. This is the story of the day I truly felt helpless.
It was a day that started like any other. I got up shaved, showered and got dressed while checking my email and chatting with my wife. Granted getting dressed included strapping a pistol to my leg and my wife was half the world away, it was normal for me in Iraq. After that me and my roommate went to the dining facility for a bite to eat with the rest of our squad. Then it was off to the trucks for mission prep. My teammate Hotard and I got the .50 cal mounted, radio frequencies loaded and checked, fuel level topped off, and replaced any ammo or supplies we were low on. After that it was off to pre-mission briefing. When the briefing started I got my first uneasy feeling, I had been pulled from the gun (which I had manned for the previous 4 months) and placed in the drivers slot. I have to add I hate driving, regardless if it was here in the states or overseas, I can’t stand to drive. But I didn’t argue because I am a soldier and soldiers follow orders. After the usual briefing on route, call signs, radio frequencies, and what threats were